[private] I think I made you up inside my head; pteron

[aegean]

Aegean

I should have loved a thunderbird instead
at least when spring comes they roar back again

None of this makes sense.

Nothing except that feeling of warmth that flares in his chest when the other boy’s mouth meets his own. That feeling of rightness that clicks in his chest—letting him know that he is home, that he is here. Aegean does not hesitate to answer the call, that fluttering of wings in his pulse. The other both feels smooth and warm as the sun that he had once compared him to. He drinks him down, savors the taste of salt and fresh air and the wild gooseberries that he is certain that he can taste brimming on the surface.

When the other boy pulls away slightly, his lips trace down his jaw to where he had once spent so much time learning the curves of, and then rests his antlered head against the other—content to just sit in this moment that felt so stolen, so forbidden. “There is no hurt greater than a life without you,” he whispers softly, unsure of what had Pteron so convinced that staying here would cause him physical pain.

Surely there was nothing worse than the distance threatened between them.

Surely no fate darker than that.

Still, there are things he doesn’t know—uncertainties that swirl in the mist around them—and even though he feels that happiness thread through him, it feels like a falsehood. A planted thing that does not have roots, despite the authenticity of it. Aegean frowns, his lips pulling downward. “You and I both know that being near you is the only thing to bring me true happiness,” his voice cool, measured, his eyes searching the other boy’s face. “But if I am to lead a life apart at least I am to lead it having known you.”

Because suddenly, he is certain there is a hurt greater than a life without him.

The only fate worse than the one he is facing would be the one without having known Pteron at all.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead
(I think I made you up inside my head.)