12-13-2019, 05:19 PM
Chaos.
That was all that the afterlife was. Thousands upon thousands of bodiless souls meeting and parting, spinning in an endless stampede that stretched in all directions at once. I had become part of that, the day I died.
Death was no hard thing for me. In fact, I asked for it. Even if I didn't know precisely what it was I asked at the time. Still, it had been a relief to feel my lifeblood pour out at last, watching it whirl and mingle with the cold river. How much blood had I spilled over the years? All of it, several times over, I think. Enough that it no longer surprised me to see the crimson soak my hide. Enough that it was a relief when life no longer called me back.
I'm safe here. My splintered mind feels healed, no longer threatening to tear me apart. To tear apart the ones who dared come near. I know I did that. When things got bad, and I lost my will to fight, it was all too easy to give in to the violence that always seemed to bubble beneath my surface.
For all the chaos of the afterlife, it was a healing kind of turbulence. To surrender to the insanity seemed to sooth whatever personal insanity I'd been clinging to. Control meant nothing when there was nothing left to be controlled. For a brief time the world solidified, and I found the souls of the one's I've lost around me. Love that healed when their souls ran along mine, and the newest soul a brilliant light among us. Saphris, my last child, summoned for greater things than I'd ever done in my own life. I hope he's doing well.
I've been satisfied with my new existence. It demands nothing of me save that I once was. Good or evil, kind or cruel, it does not matter. Our souls exist in the same shades of grey. They run endlessly, and what we did in life is only distant memory. Memory is what feeds us, and it is memory where I dwell when I feel that old tugging.
Saphris again? But no, the feeling is not so stuttering, not so vibrant. Who had I been thinking on, when the feeling began? It feels like so long ago. Focus, I must focus. Yes, there it is. An image, or impression. The night, dreams. Shadow dappled skin that covered an elegant body. Horns, spread wide as if they could hold up the sky. And a name, at last.
Kagerus.
There, amid the chaos I am suddenly made real. The name is a link that brings my essence to a point, and I am facing her. I blink, remembering the action only as it happens. "You found me." I say, and it startles me to hear my own voice. We are the quiet eye in the hurricane of rushing souls, and it feels as dreamlike as anything I'd ever experienced with the crowned woman.
All is grey here, even her, but she glows with the light of life. Not dead, then. But still here. A faint smile lifts my lips, and I notice that I am pleased to see her. How funny. I had forgotten that there were horses who did not despise me. She had not known me at the end, of course. But she had seen me at another. Had brought me back despite myself. I am glad she sees me now. My spirit is not weak and thin, moulting and deranged. I look like myself when I was new. Washed of color, but whole, mind and body.
"How are you?" A silly, insubstantial question, all things considered. Still, as good a place to start as any.
@[Kagerus]
That was all that the afterlife was. Thousands upon thousands of bodiless souls meeting and parting, spinning in an endless stampede that stretched in all directions at once. I had become part of that, the day I died.
Death was no hard thing for me. In fact, I asked for it. Even if I didn't know precisely what it was I asked at the time. Still, it had been a relief to feel my lifeblood pour out at last, watching it whirl and mingle with the cold river. How much blood had I spilled over the years? All of it, several times over, I think. Enough that it no longer surprised me to see the crimson soak my hide. Enough that it was a relief when life no longer called me back.
I'm safe here. My splintered mind feels healed, no longer threatening to tear me apart. To tear apart the ones who dared come near. I know I did that. When things got bad, and I lost my will to fight, it was all too easy to give in to the violence that always seemed to bubble beneath my surface.
For all the chaos of the afterlife, it was a healing kind of turbulence. To surrender to the insanity seemed to sooth whatever personal insanity I'd been clinging to. Control meant nothing when there was nothing left to be controlled. For a brief time the world solidified, and I found the souls of the one's I've lost around me. Love that healed when their souls ran along mine, and the newest soul a brilliant light among us. Saphris, my last child, summoned for greater things than I'd ever done in my own life. I hope he's doing well.
I've been satisfied with my new existence. It demands nothing of me save that I once was. Good or evil, kind or cruel, it does not matter. Our souls exist in the same shades of grey. They run endlessly, and what we did in life is only distant memory. Memory is what feeds us, and it is memory where I dwell when I feel that old tugging.
Saphris again? But no, the feeling is not so stuttering, not so vibrant. Who had I been thinking on, when the feeling began? It feels like so long ago. Focus, I must focus. Yes, there it is. An image, or impression. The night, dreams. Shadow dappled skin that covered an elegant body. Horns, spread wide as if they could hold up the sky. And a name, at last.
Kagerus.
There, amid the chaos I am suddenly made real. The name is a link that brings my essence to a point, and I am facing her. I blink, remembering the action only as it happens. "You found me." I say, and it startles me to hear my own voice. We are the quiet eye in the hurricane of rushing souls, and it feels as dreamlike as anything I'd ever experienced with the crowned woman.
All is grey here, even her, but she glows with the light of life. Not dead, then. But still here. A faint smile lifts my lips, and I notice that I am pleased to see her. How funny. I had forgotten that there were horses who did not despise me. She had not known me at the end, of course. But she had seen me at another. Had brought me back despite myself. I am glad she sees me now. My spirit is not weak and thin, moulting and deranged. I look like myself when I was new. Washed of color, but whole, mind and body.
"How are you?" A silly, insubstantial question, all things considered. Still, as good a place to start as any.
@[Kagerus]