12-19-2019, 02:50 PM
It's strange, thinking in linear ways again. There's no need for it in death. When all you are is thought, they tend to spin in unusual ways, and at times they overlap with others'. The individual is lost for the masses. To be a singular being again is disconcerting, as is speaking to another individual. A conversation. My thoughts are slow to return to they must run for such a thing, but I do what I can to marshal them. Kagerus deserves that much.
I can see the rush of questions that slip across her face, but queen that she is, they aren't spoken. Not yet. When she opens her mouth, it is first to answer my own query. The answer is not one I'd expected. She had died, and returned to life. Much as I once had, long ago. Reunited with Solace. I blinked in surprise at this revelation, but I suppose much has happened in my absence. Even before true death, my mind had long forsaken the world around me.
"You've found peace. I'm happy to hear it. I hope your family is doing well." I reply, ignoring her question for a moment. The well worn line of worry between my eyes creased as I wondered how to shape the words that would explain things, but came up empty. Words wouldn't be enough.
So I draw on the strangeness that is the afterlife. The fact that dreams and memory are so very closely tied. The rushing souls fade as my mind takes over, the scene of my death projected in muted light for the bone crowned woman to see.
Myself stumbling through the woods in evasion of that last child, coming to the river where the dragonkin stallion, Leilan, stood. I've never had much luck with dragons, have I?
I'm babbling, easy enough to see even if the memory is soundless. A ragged, bone-thin mare with glassy eyes, the roan stallion's mixture of pity and amusement as I expose my throat to the sharpness of his maw. Then it's spilled blood and icy water filling my lungs, a brief, weak resistance. And darkness as my body is hauled away. An ignoble death, to be sure.
There is enough of me left to feel shame as the memory fades, a shrug of apology to my companion. "I was tired, Kag. Please do not think too harshly of me for it, but my mind was not strong enough to fight harder." I had struggled for so long with my mind, with the bone deep weight that never seemed to lift for long.
That part of me that could resist had fallen away when the plague had taken my then youngest, my first daughter from me. Amid other things. That I had gone so feral did not surprise me from this distant vantage. I could look on my life with clinical eyes now, every misstep and wrong move. A lifetime of bad decisions. There had been good points too, to be sure, but I'd had a knack for wreaking havoc on them. It was nothing to be proud of.
I tilted my head in consideration, almost as confused at her presence as she seemed to be. "I suppose I was lonely? Or perhaps just needed someone to know. I think my children will not have come looking for me, I did a pretty through job of driving them off." I admitted regretfully. I'd become a monster, towards the end. "I don't know what Leilan has done with my body. I would like to believe he wouldn't eat it, but..." I grinned darkly. You never knew with dragons.
@[Kagerus]
I can see the rush of questions that slip across her face, but queen that she is, they aren't spoken. Not yet. When she opens her mouth, it is first to answer my own query. The answer is not one I'd expected. She had died, and returned to life. Much as I once had, long ago. Reunited with Solace. I blinked in surprise at this revelation, but I suppose much has happened in my absence. Even before true death, my mind had long forsaken the world around me.
"You've found peace. I'm happy to hear it. I hope your family is doing well." I reply, ignoring her question for a moment. The well worn line of worry between my eyes creased as I wondered how to shape the words that would explain things, but came up empty. Words wouldn't be enough.
So I draw on the strangeness that is the afterlife. The fact that dreams and memory are so very closely tied. The rushing souls fade as my mind takes over, the scene of my death projected in muted light for the bone crowned woman to see.
Myself stumbling through the woods in evasion of that last child, coming to the river where the dragonkin stallion, Leilan, stood. I've never had much luck with dragons, have I?
I'm babbling, easy enough to see even if the memory is soundless. A ragged, bone-thin mare with glassy eyes, the roan stallion's mixture of pity and amusement as I expose my throat to the sharpness of his maw. Then it's spilled blood and icy water filling my lungs, a brief, weak resistance. And darkness as my body is hauled away. An ignoble death, to be sure.
There is enough of me left to feel shame as the memory fades, a shrug of apology to my companion. "I was tired, Kag. Please do not think too harshly of me for it, but my mind was not strong enough to fight harder." I had struggled for so long with my mind, with the bone deep weight that never seemed to lift for long.
That part of me that could resist had fallen away when the plague had taken my then youngest, my first daughter from me. Amid other things. That I had gone so feral did not surprise me from this distant vantage. I could look on my life with clinical eyes now, every misstep and wrong move. A lifetime of bad decisions. There had been good points too, to be sure, but I'd had a knack for wreaking havoc on them. It was nothing to be proud of.
I tilted my head in consideration, almost as confused at her presence as she seemed to be. "I suppose I was lonely? Or perhaps just needed someone to know. I think my children will not have come looking for me, I did a pretty through job of driving them off." I admitted regretfully. I'd become a monster, towards the end. "I don't know what Leilan has done with my body. I would like to believe he wouldn't eat it, but..." I grinned darkly. You never knew with dragons.
@[Kagerus]