“I know when you go
down all your darkest roads
I would have followed all the way
to the graveyard.”
down all your darkest roads
I would have followed all the way
to the graveyard.”
She does not leave Taiga immediately after her conversation with Lilliana. She could blame it on still being restless; that the journey back to Hyaline didn’t seem long enough, and she is afraid of what else – or who else – she might find to waste her time with.
That isn’t it, of course. It’s never anything quite that simple.
In the densest parts of Taiga she cannot help but to be transported to a different time and place. The darkness reminds her of when shadows swallowed the sun, when she choked on smoke while bringing new life into this world; how her newborn daughter had opened her eyes to wartorn chaos and sucked in a lungful of ash and there was nothing Ryatah could have done to protect her from that.
She remembers him, too, because how could she forget? The way his shadows had crept like ropes around her throat when she was blinded by a foreign magic, and how she had let him – a stranger – lead her away from the fires and destruction in Tephra. He had disappeared though almost just as quickly as he had materialized, fading back into the shadows she is so sure he was made from.
He never came back, either, and that is what confuses her the most though it should not be surprising. She never understands why anyone comes back, but she certainly understands why they never stay. It’s not as though she herself gives anyone a reason to. She is insatiable and easily distracted and too much and not enough, all crammed inside this imposter of an angel-form. She has tried to accept that he is a portion of her life that would always be a “what if” – as if anything romance-related was ever a mystery to her. It’s always the same and somehow she clings to this naive notion it will ever be different.
Like she did not completely destroy it the one time that it was.
It’s why when she slips through a grove of trees and she finds him she immediately freezes. She stares for what feels like the longest time, her amber glow radiating against the shadows, seeking out a face that never had the chance to become familiar and yet somehow he is exactly as she had remembered him. “Illum?” Her voice hangs softly in the dark, and she wonders if he can hear the countless questions hiding in the syllables of his name. She ducks her haloed head almost shyly as she steps towards him, and there is a smile that plays at the very edge of her lips when she confesses before she can catch herself, “I was looking for you.”
That isn’t it, of course. It’s never anything quite that simple.
In the densest parts of Taiga she cannot help but to be transported to a different time and place. The darkness reminds her of when shadows swallowed the sun, when she choked on smoke while bringing new life into this world; how her newborn daughter had opened her eyes to wartorn chaos and sucked in a lungful of ash and there was nothing Ryatah could have done to protect her from that.
She remembers him, too, because how could she forget? The way his shadows had crept like ropes around her throat when she was blinded by a foreign magic, and how she had let him – a stranger – lead her away from the fires and destruction in Tephra. He had disappeared though almost just as quickly as he had materialized, fading back into the shadows she is so sure he was made from.
He never came back, either, and that is what confuses her the most though it should not be surprising. She never understands why anyone comes back, but she certainly understands why they never stay. It’s not as though she herself gives anyone a reason to. She is insatiable and easily distracted and too much and not enough, all crammed inside this imposter of an angel-form. She has tried to accept that he is a portion of her life that would always be a “what if” – as if anything romance-related was ever a mystery to her. It’s always the same and somehow she clings to this naive notion it will ever be different.
Like she did not completely destroy it the one time that it was.
It’s why when she slips through a grove of trees and she finds him she immediately freezes. She stares for what feels like the longest time, her amber glow radiating against the shadows, seeking out a face that never had the chance to become familiar and yet somehow he is exactly as she had remembered him. “Illum?” Her voice hangs softly in the dark, and she wonders if he can hear the countless questions hiding in the syllables of his name. She ducks her haloed head almost shyly as she steps towards him, and there is a smile that plays at the very edge of her lips when she confesses before she can catch herself, “I was looking for you.”
ryatah