I scream beneath the water
and make no noise
The friendship I have been told was there, was old, and existed naturally, was strange to find in the gazes of two mares I hardly know. Still, there is a resonance with them, in a way that runs as deep as whatever it was I had felt with Svedka. Entitled to my secrets, he says, and there’s a small smile on my face for his choice of words, though the conflict of one-and-a-thousand feelings in my eyes must be visible. I did that - we did that - but now I do not have a name for what he is to me, afraid that choosing the wrong one will end badly for us both. How little I knew of him, I had felt certain that he spoke truth, that we knew eachother, and had he told me last night was no our first I would have believed it.
In Solace’s eyes however, I find a spark of surprise, though not one that says this is completely against my or our character. In Solace’s eyes I find the kind of security I’ve been looking for - it is the kind of surprise that is about timing, and then the smile of knowing that follows is the subtle encouragement I need to be sure about my choices.
Kagerus’ subtly quick retreat is of a similar nature - when I look at her, she is hurt for a moment that I haven’t returned the gesture so eagerly, but thankfully a different kind of hurt takes its place with my... with Svedka’s explanation really, because mine was horrible. I nod when both mares agree that this is the safest place to be, as if I -or they- might not have agreed with Svedka otherwise. I keep my comment to myself as I look between them... when the blue-winged mare starts about a mountain and about dreams. I twist my head towards the antlered mare, and chuckle a bit when she says I haven’t returned to what has been normal. ”I may not have... or maybe I did. You are my family.” The latter comes out much rawer than the first, as the words force themselves out. My throat seems raw as if the forced words were more or less a cough, but when I blink and swallow, nothing else is left from what I said, and I hardly remember that I did.
Instead, I focus on Kagerus and her offer, her mentioning of Hyaline, and I nod. ”Perhaps we should try the dreams. I have a bad feeling about this mountain of yours - no offence,” I add towards Solace. ”It’s probably just the feeling.” And still I can’t shake the ominous cloud that darkens my every vision of the mountain. As if my memories of it, or of Hyaline, might not be good any more? I don’t know, but know I am safe here with them, and I should just stay.
And why not? Everything seems perfect here.
wherever you go… bring me home?
@[Svedka]