11-22-2020, 11:00 PM
YADIGAR
there’s a hole in my chest but it’s mine, baby, it’s all i got.
From the moment his mother laid her three treasured eggs, there were expectations for Yadigar. He was supposed to be poised and powerful and, above all else, prepared to make sacrifices. Those things had seemed so easy at first. He learned to fly as well as any other. He grew stronger than his siblings. He even gave up his free time for his father’s lessons. And, fool that he was, he thought all this was enough. Then Ghaul asked for more. Then, more.
Finally, he asked for everything that Yadigar had left.
He laughs gently, and the sound is hollow when Tarian asks if the killing makes him feel alive. That couldn’t be further from the truth. But how do you tell someone that you are hollowed out on the inside and the only hurt you can soothe anymore is the hunger? His captive will never know the curse of losing all your warmth and love for others. There is a typhoon raging inside him and he can’t feel the faintest breeze of it beneath his skin.
“No. There is nothing of me that is alive,” he finally says. “I was a less than a year old when I took my first life. I killed a woman who did me no wrong. She only existed in the wrong place, wrong time.”
And he remembers Cress as vividly as the day she died. She was one of the last things he ever saw with that beautiful golden eye.
“I can no longer satisfy any other urges. I cannot love, or hate. I cannot feel the pain of losing my loved ones. I can only eat.” He steps closer then, to where he imagines his milk-white eye is facing Tarian very closely. “When I kill now, there is neither remorse nor a thrill. There is only a quiet in my mind before the noise comes rushing back.”
Yadigar knows he does not kill Tarian because it would be troublesome for the other Pangeans. Otherwise, he could snap the captive’s neck and chew his entrails to fight the boredom off a while. Then he’d sleep soundly, without dreams or nightmares to bother him.
Finally, he asked for everything that Yadigar had left.
He laughs gently, and the sound is hollow when Tarian asks if the killing makes him feel alive. That couldn’t be further from the truth. But how do you tell someone that you are hollowed out on the inside and the only hurt you can soothe anymore is the hunger? His captive will never know the curse of losing all your warmth and love for others. There is a typhoon raging inside him and he can’t feel the faintest breeze of it beneath his skin.
“No. There is nothing of me that is alive,” he finally says. “I was a less than a year old when I took my first life. I killed a woman who did me no wrong. She only existed in the wrong place, wrong time.”
And he remembers Cress as vividly as the day she died. She was one of the last things he ever saw with that beautiful golden eye.
“I can no longer satisfy any other urges. I cannot love, or hate. I cannot feel the pain of losing my loved ones. I can only eat.” He steps closer then, to where he imagines his milk-white eye is facing Tarian very closely. “When I kill now, there is neither remorse nor a thrill. There is only a quiet in my mind before the noise comes rushing back.”
Yadigar knows he does not kill Tarian because it would be troublesome for the other Pangeans. Otherwise, he could snap the captive’s neck and chew his entrails to fight the boredom off a while. Then he’d sleep soundly, without dreams or nightmares to bother him.
@[Tarian]