I tried to sell my soul last night
Funny, he wouldn't even take a bite
He wishes he could hate her. Desperately wishes he could hate her as she imagined he hated her. It would have made everything so much easier. Would have saved him from knowing she could be both his heaven and his hell. It’s infuriating that one creature could have so much power over him in the only ways that mattered.
But of course he could never tell her that. It would serve only to hurt them both, and Ashhal is not that kind of masochist.
In the end, as much as he wishes he could hate her, he cannot. Instead he is left with his own anger and inadequacy - a toxic combination serving only to infuriate him further. Fueling the venom he spits at her. Kindling his rage as he tries to blame her even when it becomes increasingly clear he cannot.
Until she reminds him just how long they have known each other. That she is the only living creature who might remember him when he had been a different man, before the bitterness had claimed his life. He hadn’t been better then, but he had had purpose. A purpose that had long since faded, leaving behind only the echoes of who he’d once been. Of the man she’d once known.
In the end, none of it matters anyway. As the fury fades into confusion, he can only stare at her as she explains it had been her daughter masquerading as her. Confusion, because he believes her without question. Confusion, because the explanation of how her daughter’s power works lays bare that which he has been trying to shove deep where it would never see the light of day. Confusion, because it is almost a relief to have his one genuine secret exposed.
He had always been so successful in his determination to care about nothing or no one - except for her. She’d slipped beneath his defenses eons ago, and he had accepted then that they would never be. It was easier that way.
He knows this would change nothing. As much as he had always denied it, she had always been it for him. But he would never be it for her. And he is far too selfish a man to accept that. He would rather die in agony a thousand times than experience the far greater pain of her giving herself away piece by piece while he watched. For the first time in his life, he was finally able to admit it, even if only to himself.
And just like that, the anger is gone, leaving only the hollow emptiness that always seems to be waiting for when it goes. And as his jaded gaze catches hers, he realizes her daughter had seen something Ryatah never had. Realizes too that there remains only one way to keep from battering himself against the wall he’d been running into for ages.
“You’re the only one with the power to break me Ryatah.” His voice is low, agitation creeping back into the grating tone. “I don’t have very much left that isn’t already fucking broken, but you could change that without even trying.” His breathing is steady, but his dark eyes grow hard. As though he could shield himself from her answer. “Have you ever imagined spending eternity like that? Because I fucking have.”
And it was miserable, every damned time.
@[Ryatah]