how do I learn my dreams to mold, to lay them bare in the morning cold?
The moment could never last long enough, he knows that.
Knows that he could stretch it for days, weeks, months, years, and it would still end too soon. Because underneath the joy that he feels so acutely there is a moment where he realizes that there is also a faint feeling of fatigue. Something straining beneath the surface—pushing and pulling as though he was actively exerting himself, even though he knew that he was simply standing here in the sun next to her.
It is a frustration that he locks away tight, pretending that it doesn’t exist, to focus instead on her.
She is bright and effervescent in this moment, glowing with her happiness, and all he wants is to give her more of it. To give her whatever she wants to keep that smile on her face. To keep in the sun instead of plunging them both back into the unknown darkness once more. He would wear himself ragged to do it.
He kisses the parts of her that he can reach, brushing velvet lips against the soft warmth of her and marveling in the ways that she feels so alive here. It is not wonder because he finds the other pieces of her repulsive, but rather because of how much joy that she herself finds in the form. He marvels at the acute happiness that explodes from her, thrilled to see the freedom of her living as her younger self once more.
“I never could leave you,” he whispers into her, careful to keep her close, “not really.” He wishes that he had learned that lesson sooner—that he hadn’t even tried to put distance between them when such a thing feels completely useless now—but he would take the closeness. At her question though, he frowns, feeling the memories of her death creep over him like a shadow, tugging at the back of his mind.
“I don’t think so,” he says, slowly, trying to explain. “I think…I think I did this.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know how.” Then with a smile, he closes his eyes to press his forehead to her. “I’ve loved you for my entire life, Linnea,” a breathy chuckle under his breath, “and I’m going to continue loving you.”
nikolaus
if they’re still out there then the chasm grows
( for all you know, for all you’ve known )
@[linnea]