[private] moon's rising and my blood is growing cold

[Mazikeen]

In response to the comment about how her lack of shifting isn’t meant to be permanent, Mazikeen almost says ‘I hope not’ but that doesn’t feel quite in the spirit of her quest (and she’s not quite sure how omnipresent the fairies of the mountain are). Rather than risk it, she nods with a small smile -  appreciating the hopeful note in the other white mare’s voice. Mazikeen had no reason to suspect Casimira or any of her fellow pack members would be anything but kind, though it still takes her by surprise a little bit. She’d been wrapped up in so many insecurities about whether or not they’d think she was weak for one thing or another that she hadn’t gotten around to just talking to most of them. She feels a little guilty when she sees that gentle kindness change into a guarded expression with her question (little does she know she and Casimira are just passing guilt back and forth like a hot potato with the topic) - but she’s glad the other mare answers - glad to be given this piece of her story. “I didn’t know that shifting could be like that.” Maybe it was naive of her to think it was wonderful for everyone. The type of shifting Mazikeen had inherited from her mother hadn’t always been smooth, but being stuck as a deer for an afternoon was a far cry away from losing control and having the destructive power of a dragon. Mazikeen isn’t really sure what she’s about to say will help at all, but she does it with the intent of letting Casimira know that - on some level, even though it’s not the same - she understands. “I think I’ve felt like that when I’ve been angry before. I lose hold of who I am and something else that’s not me takes control…” She exhales softly, eyes on the shadowy slopes of the mountains that surround their home while she thinks of Firion. And even though he had been a complete asshat he hadn’t really deserved what she had given him. Guilt still gnawed at her even if he had been able to walk away afterwards. As soon as the anger had faded she was left feeling hollow and horrible and she wonders if that’s what Casimira feels like after shifting into a dragon, not knowing whether she’ll hurt someone but having to live with it all the same if she did. She draws herself out of these thoughts and back into the present - voice free of judgement as she continues. “It’s not a fun feeling, I can see why you would avoid it.” Mazikeen falls quiet for another moment before voicing another question - just as carefully as she had the last. They'd only just officially met and here she is, asking Casimira all these personal things. She certainly wouldn't take offense if she was told to mind her own business. “Have you thought about going to the mountain to try to get rid of your shifting?” That thought alone would have made Mazikeen a little uncomfortable a few months ago - but right now, especially after Casimira's description of what it was like for her, she can't help but wonder.

@[Casimira]