take me under, take me home

[jamie]

jamie

I CAN’T EXACTLY DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL
BUT IT’S NOT QUITE RIGHT

Neuna, Decima, Maurtia. 

He trembles with his want to touch them again, to mumble their names into their skin himself, to brand them in his own way. But they belong to their mother, he understands, more than they will ever belong to him. 

He will look back on this moment and know that it was the last time he was ever this soft. And certainly that will mean something. Certainly it will mean something that it is a moment he shared with her, when she says how much she loves them and she says his name and he looks at her and smiles that shaky, shark-tooth smile and nods because maybe, for this brief moment, he knows what love is, too.

This is the happiest he will ever be, Jamie, the closest he will ever get to love -- both literally and figuratively. He turns to Beyza, reaches for her, kisses her head because he does not dare touch the girls without permission. He pulls a soft blanket of fog around them. (And the white filly watches and she learns and she will grow to love the fog because it will remind her of the dark father and someday she will master it, too.)

“Rest,” he urges her gently.

AND IT LEAVES ME COLD

@[Beyza]