Mazikeen
The first “it was a joke” has her hair bristling because she’s still thinking she’s the joke - that everything he had said to her the last time they saw each other was just to see if she’d fall for it. And she had, (mostly) without hesitation. Mazikeen had believed it because she’d been hoping for it for so long and she thought all her attempts to poison herself against him had been in vain. Clearly, they were a little more successful than she’d thought.
She watches him carefully, already thinking that she should pounce again. She’s still hurting why shouldn’t he be?
When he draws closer, Mazikeen becomes so tense she thinks she may actually fall apart from the stress. Just burst into a cloud of white fur and fire. Her gaze is locked on his, looking for smugness that isn’t there. Closer still and Mazikeen thinks she hears ringing in her ears she’s so close to combusting.
If he hadn’t enunciated the words as carefully as he did, they might not have made it through the building storm in her mind. The blazing anger shifts to wariness as she listens, her ears twitching.
A snort escapes her in response to the obviously and the burning embers on her skin lessen their intensity slightly. There’s still a bite to her voice when she says quietly. “Let’s not joke about that again.” There’s a very powerful urge to look away, to not have to look at him while she speaks, but she forces herself to do it anyway. She feels weak and exposed and she’s afraid these things are shining in her eyes, afraid she’s giving him more ammunition against her. So it’s through stubborn will alone that she meets his blue gaze and somehow finds the words to actually explain. She’s already furious with herself for letting her emotions boil over and come out into the open - she might as well also hate herself for telling the truth. “Because we both know there will be a day when it’s going to be true, when you don’t…” Guess that word is still sticking, though. As if just not saying it will make it easier that it was all a lie. “While you were gone, when I wasn’t walking around smiling like an idiot, all I could think was that we already used up our seconds and that you’d come home and have changed your mind.”
She doesn’t add that she’s now worried that this will change things. That he’ll think she won’t be able to handle their future after all and pull away. That at least, she hopes she can try to curb through her actions. By not letting her hurt show again.
She watches him carefully, already thinking that she should pounce again. She’s still hurting why shouldn’t he be?
When he draws closer, Mazikeen becomes so tense she thinks she may actually fall apart from the stress. Just burst into a cloud of white fur and fire. Her gaze is locked on his, looking for smugness that isn’t there. Closer still and Mazikeen thinks she hears ringing in her ears she’s so close to combusting.
If he hadn’t enunciated the words as carefully as he did, they might not have made it through the building storm in her mind. The blazing anger shifts to wariness as she listens, her ears twitching.
A snort escapes her in response to the obviously and the burning embers on her skin lessen their intensity slightly. There’s still a bite to her voice when she says quietly. “Let’s not joke about that again.” There’s a very powerful urge to look away, to not have to look at him while she speaks, but she forces herself to do it anyway. She feels weak and exposed and she’s afraid these things are shining in her eyes, afraid she’s giving him more ammunition against her. So it’s through stubborn will alone that she meets his blue gaze and somehow finds the words to actually explain. She’s already furious with herself for letting her emotions boil over and come out into the open - she might as well also hate herself for telling the truth. “Because we both know there will be a day when it’s going to be true, when you don’t…” Guess that word is still sticking, though. As if just not saying it will make it easier that it was all a lie. “While you were gone, when I wasn’t walking around smiling like an idiot, all I could think was that we already used up our seconds and that you’d come home and have changed your mind.”
She doesn’t add that she’s now worried that this will change things. That he’ll think she won’t be able to handle their future after all and pull away. That at least, she hopes she can try to curb through her actions. By not letting her hurt show again.
@[Gale]