All that matters is the time we had [yanhua]

[Borderline]

despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came

I hadn’t even realized how much I had wanted Yanhua to react when I fell to the ground until I was laying on the ground, unsupported by the chestnut stallion. My heart ached. My whole body ached. My shoulder ached, but that was a dull pain in the background to the emotional pain that gripped me to the ground.

I could see the wheels turning in his head, the cogs playing their rolls, when I looked upon him, but I still do not know exactly what it is that goes through his thoughts. I don’t know how he is feeling or what his intentions are, now. I do know that in the next few moments, my heart would not be eased of this burden, as he hesitantly moves toward me. He asks that I stop looking at him like that, so I do. I stop looking at him at all, choosing to turn my eyes to the ground beneath me instead. Still, from the corners of my eyes, I could see his movements, stiff and uncertain, shrouded in doubt. This is what leaves his words feeling empty and hollow.

I may not know exactly what is happening inside of the stallion’s thoughts, but I do know that his words and actions did not match up. These things leave me feeling more confused and alone, but most of all, it breeds a kind of hysteria, despite the intentions behind the words being to calm me down.

“I don’t know,” I choke out in response to his question. Am I better? I certainly don’t feel better. I mean, physically, I am alive, which I hadn’t been before, so I guess you could say in that sense I am, but emotionally speaking, I am more hurt than I have ever felt in my life. I feel abandoned. At least when I learned about Amarine, I still knew that there was love in Yanhua’s heart for me, but now? Now I think he hates me, resents me, fears me. Those things cut deeper than the hurt of having to share my love for him.

Confused and still in hysterics, I drive myself to my feet, ignoring the throbbing complaints from my shoulder. Adrenaline fuels my movements, now. “I…” I stammer, looking back to @[Leilan], then giving a half glance to @[Yanhua] (even that, I can barely manage without a fresh wave of anguish peeling my heart to shreds), I mutter, “I have to go.” Without waiting for any kind of response, I push myself away from the two stallions, into the underbrush. I stumble and almost fall from the pain in my shoulder, but I continue forward, half running, half tripping through the ferns.

Borderline

Image by Calcifer

Sorry for posting out of turn. Just kind of wanted to get a move on with things. Lol.