there's fire in your blood
 | When Sabal makes the offer to go check on them, Mazikeen cannot focus enough to sort out her wishes on the matter. She doesn’t know if it would be better to know, or better to not let there be a single trail from Hyaline to Tephra. Her mind swims with the possibilities and she shakes her head but she cannot say what she is saying no to. Not yet.
She doesn’t feel like she deserves the apologies she is getting, the gentle touches from each of the mares. Doesn’t deserve their kindness for welcoming someone who could do this into their home, for not warning Ryatah and her family sooner. She’d told Selaphiel recently, but only the barest information.
And in return he had warned her this would happen. He had told her Gale would kill her, and she had walked right up to him anyway.
When Ryatah asks if there is a way to stop it, Mazikeen gives the angel a sad smile. “That’s the next step in my plan, to figure that out.” It feels a little laughable now, the idea that she’ll be able to solve anything.
And then there’s the answer to her question.
The world is not dark - her eyes have been taken. Mazikeen flinches from Sabal’s touch but quickly leans back into her friend in a silent apology a moment later. It is not the kelpie she is recoiling from, after all. It’s the whole thing. This too-big thing that she’s been caught up in.
She thinks Sabal means to be kind, referring to him as the Curse, but even though Gale’s name is not spoken by her friend, Mazikeen hears it anyway. The same mouth that had trailed across her skin, the same teeth that had teased her skin and sent shivers through her, the same lips that had whispered kisses and kind words - they had torn out her eyes. She doesn’t know why she assumes he would’ve used his mouth instead of his claws, but this way feels more intimate and she thinks that’s what the Curse would’ve preferred. Would have wanted any piece of Gale to taste it as he devoured her.
Her stomach twists violently at this thought. And yet she cannot help but think that if there is ever a day when they stand together again as Maze and Gale she will comfort him and pretend it does not matter to her, that she is fine.
Mazikeen had not expected this news, does not know how to react to it, except to lower her head to the ground again as she breathes heavily. There are no words to explain the churning inside of her and how it clashes with the hollowness of her chest. There would be tears now, if there were eyes for them to swim in. Since there is not she just sobs before she bites her tongue, allowing the soft words of Ryatah to sink in. It will get easier. She can learn to navigate in the dark, she had done it before. And now she has her shifting - she can focus on her other sense, can learn to patrol and hunt... and fight.
She can, but right now it feels impossible. Right now there is not enough hope for her to imagine that future. Once she is sure another sob won’t rise out of her when she opens her mouth she tilts her head to where the “Thank you, Ryatah.” She wants to say more but she doesn’t know what words could possibly be appropriate. “I’ll try not to…” but the joke about trying not to die again in the future falls off of her tongue before she can even make it. So she just tries to smile instead.
“Just… thank you. I’m sorry we always meet when I’m a mess.” She thinks about how kindly Firion had spoke of his mother in that moment, how he said she saves many even when she doesn't realize it. Then she thinks of how she had told him she had nine lives. Now she's at six so she might run out before he gets his turn.
With effort she tilts her head to her friend, her voice quiet as she focuses on the question from earlier so she will not focus on anything else. “Will you stay with me for a bit, Sabal? And then… and then I’d like you to go to Tephra. Wishbone, that’s who I gave them to.” And then softer she adds as she starts to lose consciousness again, succumbing to the weight of her thoughts, the wound on that missing heart. “Make sure they’re okay.”
m a z i k e e n . |
@[Sabal] but we can probably end it here! Ily both and anyone who makes it through this novel.
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