10-14-2021, 03:09 PM
kensley
i swore the days were over of courting empty dreams
Kensley has resented his father his whole life.
And now, as if to punish him for it, he has had to confront the complicated relationship between father and son from the other side.
(Had Jarris ever been proud of Kensley? Kensley cannot help but doubt it because his father had never seemed capable of looking beyond the edge of himself to see anyone else. And Kensley had never done anything worth being proud of anyway.)
But he understands now that you can both fear and revere someone. You can love something fiercely despite its darkness, its flaws, the trouble that it causes. Because Jamie has caused nothing but trouble. Even in his youth, Kensley thinks, and it is a terrible thing for a father to think, but those terrible things have not dampened his love for his son.
And what does that make him?
What does it mean that he has done nothing to try and stop Jamie?
A coward.
But this is nothing new.
He has always been a coward.
He draws in a long breath and nods. “Yes,” he says and manages to keep the edge of bitterness from his tone. He swallows thickly and glances over his shoulder, as if he might find his son watching them. As if he might see all the way to Pangea, where the Darkness lurks.
“Desire made him Champion of Pangea shortly after he won the Alliance.” (This, too, is a point of contention. Because Kensley had fallen to the opponent that his son had bested to win. Gale. Aela’s brother.
She shifts the mourning in his chest, displacing it with something warmer, but he will never be able to speak fondly of his son. At least not openly.
“He is a lot of terrible things,” he admits, “but he is fiercely loyal.”
And now, as if to punish him for it, he has had to confront the complicated relationship between father and son from the other side.
(Had Jarris ever been proud of Kensley? Kensley cannot help but doubt it because his father had never seemed capable of looking beyond the edge of himself to see anyone else. And Kensley had never done anything worth being proud of anyway.)
But he understands now that you can both fear and revere someone. You can love something fiercely despite its darkness, its flaws, the trouble that it causes. Because Jamie has caused nothing but trouble. Even in his youth, Kensley thinks, and it is a terrible thing for a father to think, but those terrible things have not dampened his love for his son.
And what does that make him?
What does it mean that he has done nothing to try and stop Jamie?
A coward.
But this is nothing new.
He has always been a coward.
He draws in a long breath and nods. “Yes,” he says and manages to keep the edge of bitterness from his tone. He swallows thickly and glances over his shoulder, as if he might find his son watching them. As if he might see all the way to Pangea, where the Darkness lurks.
“Desire made him Champion of Pangea shortly after he won the Alliance.” (This, too, is a point of contention. Because Kensley had fallen to the opponent that his son had bested to win. Gale. Aela’s brother.
She shifts the mourning in his chest, displacing it with something warmer, but he will never be able to speak fondly of his son. At least not openly.
“He is a lot of terrible things,” he admits, “but he is fiercely loyal.”
i worshipped at the altar of losing everything
@Aela