[private] we could all be brought to pieces

[Altissima]

That single syllable feels like a hit to her stomach, even though she knows that isn’t fair. He’s being honest, and he continues in broken sentences, much like she had been. Of course he wouldn’t have wanted it before - not where he had been from before Beqanna. And though she doesn’t truly understand his devotion to Loess, she knows that’s part of who he is. He is the champion, and she does not mind that this job pulls him away from her now and then. A few lost hours or days (or months) never seems to diminish what she feels for him. She’d come back early because he had been on her mind so much that it seemed stupid to stay away, to continue exploring the world and rest without him beside her at night. A small smile appears when he seems as much at a loss for words as she does. If they were talking about anything else, she would tease him about his eloquence. But she started this conversation and she needed to finish it. Altissima had never had to have this conversation before. With her daughter, the father had simply faded away and she had never seen him again. What was it like, to want this right from the beginning with someone? To say ‘let’s try’ and be delighted upon hearing the news instead of feeling like you’re standing on a sand dune and the particles are all slipping from beneath you no matter how still you try to stand. “I would have preferred to talk about it first.” She says in reply, even though it’s not quite an answer. “But it’s…” And then Altissima groans in frustration and a small laugh escapes her. When it does, a little more colour bleeds into her gaze as a bit of the tension eases out of her. “Oh hell we’re never going to get through this conversation if we both keep dropping off our damn sentences.” There’s a huff and she just says it. “I’m pregnant, Tarian. That's why I've been so tired - the same thing happened last time.” She intends to wait to see what his reaction is, though she’s wary after that no, but some more words tumble out of her of their own will. “I know it’s a complication, and if you don’t want…” But there she goes, trailing off again because her heart lodges itself in her throat and no more can get out - and though all of her instincts are telling her to look elsewhere, she doesn’t break away from his gaze.

artwork by cal

@Tarian