[open] To Be Alone Or Not?

[Nerica]

Nerica

Being confused, angry and hungry is never a good mix. And being cold on top of it all was a perfect recipe for disaster, at least for Nerica. Her black and white coat was thick and fluffy, but it hardly seemed to keep the cold out, and the mare stood shivering under a barren tree. She hadn't eaten since yesterday morning, her picky palette refused to accept the dry dead bushes, so she spent much of her time looking for grass buried under snow or hidden somewhere. She had hoped to find something growing by the river, but she had found nothing appetizing yet. On top of it all she felt terribly alone and confused. There was no goal in her mind, only to survive. That's how she had been the past eight years. She saw no future for herself, she never knew what to do next. Never knew what she would do the next day, month, year. She had no dreams or wishes. She lived day by day, alone and angry, restless and scared.

  Nerica's face was twisted into a scowl as she pressed her eyes shut, trying to rest as she leaned against a cold dead tree. Her stomach grumbled furiously and chills ran down her spine every few seconds. She cursed under her breath, not sure what she was cursing at, the weather, the dead grass, herself? Her patience with the cold was wearing thin and she struck an annoyed hoof at the stiff dirt. "Damn you winter." she fumed at the air. Pushing herself away from the tree she shook herself off, hoping to shift away the hunger. The black mare began a slow, aimless walk. She had no clue where she was going, but she couldn't bear standing still any longer. Meandering slowly through the few trees, her face still holding a put out expression. 

  The day felt so grey and empty that a sickeningly familiar feeling filled Nerica's chest. Her head lifted, her piercing blue eyes gazed over the landscape as she tried to remind herself that this is totally different. She wants to be alone now. Right? Nobody left her here, she came on her own four hooves. And she has control over her life now, she can do whatever she wants. "I want to be alone." she whispered under her breath. If only it were true. If only she would let herself accept her need for others, her fear of having no one. But she didn't want anyone, others annoyed her, they drove her insane, they angered her, but they also made her feel comfortable. Nerica's mind couldn't wrap itself around her feelings. Instead, it left her cold and angry. 

  Nerica stopped, her mind blank and her legs tired. She had walked for some time and her hunger had intensified. She sighed, blowing out a breath in a buff of steamy air. Her head lowers and she blinks slowly, a feeling of emptiness sweeping over her. What do I do now? She questions herself, slowly shifting her weight back and forth from one cold leg to another. The small star on her forehead glistens as she lifts her head, her forelock falling away. Her dark eyes find the grey clouded sky and she remains frozen staring at the slowly moving clouds. 


Open to anyoneFrom here she will either get better or worse... depends on who she meets...heehee...