01-17-2022, 02:35 AM
Ryatah
WHEN I WAS SHIPWRECKED I THOUGHT OF YOU
IN THE CRACKS OF LIGHT I DREAMED OF YOU
The sound of the tears in his voice feels like someone physically breaking her heart in two, and the wave of guilt that crashes over top of her is enough to drown beneath.
She has worked hard over the past several years—starting with Firion being born—to rebuild her life. To dismantle all the fragmented pieces of herself that she had been holding onto and finally let herself grow into something almost brand new. The way that Atrox had anchored her had allowed her to be there for her children in a way that she never has before, or at least, not since she had been with Dhumin (though that was less of an anchor and more like being shackled; looking back she is not sure how she ever could have mistaken that for love).
For all her deconstructing and attempts to be something better, she still found a way to let him—and the rest of them—down.
She still disappeared when they needed her.
She still hurt them even though it had never been her intention.
She still left a trail of destruction in her wake, and she was still nothing like the angel she was made out to be.
That guilt is pushed down when she reflexively returns Firion’s embrace, pulling him closer, tighter. He is taller than her and she wonders when that happened, when he went from being her sweet little boy to a man that reminds her so much of his father that it makes her heart hurt in the best way. “I’m here because you found me,” she says, and though her voice is quiet when spoken around the tears the disbelief is still tangible. “How did you find me?” she asks into his neck, afraid of letting him go, afraid that in doing so she will somehow be sucked back to all she had been trying to escape from.
She has worked hard over the past several years—starting with Firion being born—to rebuild her life. To dismantle all the fragmented pieces of herself that she had been holding onto and finally let herself grow into something almost brand new. The way that Atrox had anchored her had allowed her to be there for her children in a way that she never has before, or at least, not since she had been with Dhumin (though that was less of an anchor and more like being shackled; looking back she is not sure how she ever could have mistaken that for love).
For all her deconstructing and attempts to be something better, she still found a way to let him—and the rest of them—down.
She still disappeared when they needed her.
She still hurt them even though it had never been her intention.
She still left a trail of destruction in her wake, and she was still nothing like the angel she was made out to be.
That guilt is pushed down when she reflexively returns Firion’s embrace, pulling him closer, tighter. He is taller than her and she wonders when that happened, when he went from being her sweet little boy to a man that reminds her so much of his father that it makes her heart hurt in the best way. “I’m here because you found me,” she says, and though her voice is quiet when spoken around the tears the disbelief is still tangible. “How did you find me?” she asks into his neck, afraid of letting him go, afraid that in doing so she will somehow be sucked back to all she had been trying to escape from.
AND IT WAS REAL ENOUGH TO GET ME THROUGH —
BUT I SWEAR YOU WERE THERE
@firion