12-10-2022, 11:27 PM
you think i’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star?
i’ll swallow you whole.
i’ll swallow you whole.
There is something missing, and it haunts her.
It is not Loess or Pangea, lost to the sea, the two places that she had once called ‘home’. They weren’t really, though, just simple place-holders, somewhere to let herself pretend to have that feeling of being anchored. They could never be home, not when home existed in a galaxy far from here, in a sky so distant that not even the stars that hang suspended above her now could tell her how to get there—a place with no name, a place she cannot even form into a solid memory, but a place she knows exists all the same.
This world as she has known it—the way it has been since she was first born into this equine body—has changed drastically. She can only assume that this is why she feels unsettled, that the sudden departure from what she has learned to be normal has disrupted the makeshift sense of belonging she has worked so hard to craft over the years. Because while everyone else seems genuinely upset (they have lost homes and loved ones, their world has dissolved into dust, leaving them with little to build back on) she does not share their sorrow.
This must be the thing that is missing, the same thing that has always been missing; that spectrum of emotion that she never could quite grasp a hold of.
She does not make the connection between the last time she saw her father and the knot of unease in her chest.
She does not consider that before he left he had taken something from her, a cruelty disguised as a favor as he left holes in her memory that Tiercel should have filled.
She does not remember that she had loved, once, that she had caught the most elusive emotion of all, and she does not realize that now it is gone.
She stands instead alongside the river at nightfall, surrounded in the cold glow of her own starlight, distant from the rest of them as always as she tries to once again find a place in a world she was never meant to be a part of.
It is not Loess or Pangea, lost to the sea, the two places that she had once called ‘home’. They weren’t really, though, just simple place-holders, somewhere to let herself pretend to have that feeling of being anchored. They could never be home, not when home existed in a galaxy far from here, in a sky so distant that not even the stars that hang suspended above her now could tell her how to get there—a place with no name, a place she cannot even form into a solid memory, but a place she knows exists all the same.
This world as she has known it—the way it has been since she was first born into this equine body—has changed drastically. She can only assume that this is why she feels unsettled, that the sudden departure from what she has learned to be normal has disrupted the makeshift sense of belonging she has worked so hard to craft over the years. Because while everyone else seems genuinely upset (they have lost homes and loved ones, their world has dissolved into dust, leaving them with little to build back on) she does not share their sorrow.
This must be the thing that is missing, the same thing that has always been missing; that spectrum of emotion that she never could quite grasp a hold of.
She does not make the connection between the last time she saw her father and the knot of unease in her chest.
She does not consider that before he left he had taken something from her, a cruelty disguised as a favor as he left holes in her memory that Tiercel should have filled.
She does not remember that she had loved, once, that she had caught the most elusive emotion of all, and she does not realize that now it is gone.
She stands instead alongside the river at nightfall, surrounded in the cold glow of her own starlight, distant from the rest of them as always as she tries to once again find a place in a world she was never meant to be a part of.
Islas
