03-03-2024, 10:27 PM
— i would rather learn what it feels like to burn than feel nothing at all —
She should have been ash by now.
She does not know why she persists; why she does not simply let this fire consume her, destroy her from the inside out like it has been trying to do for nearly all of her life. The anger has hardened into some igneous, no longer bright and burning like the flames that lick from her skin, but solidified inside of her chest. Her heart beats against it, uncomfortable, this immovable mass that now feels as if it is just a part of her.
Sometimes she wonders if this stagnant indifference is worse than unmanageable anger from before, because at least when she had something to hate it felt as if she had a purpose. There is nothing left for her here, it seems, and there is no reason for her to stay.
Yet here she is, lingering near the edge of the forest. She does not bother trying to hide — it’s not as if she could. The sun had fallen low in the sky, and the orange glow of her flames lit like a beacon in the gathering dark. She was irritated by the cold; it made her think of someone she’d rather not think of, and if she could burn winter away she thinks she would.
It was the only reason she had drifted this close to the general population, her embered eyes cautiously scanning, seeking out a distraction. She isn’t sure what she is looking for, or even what she wants, but she is sure that it will find her.
She does not know why she persists; why she does not simply let this fire consume her, destroy her from the inside out like it has been trying to do for nearly all of her life. The anger has hardened into some igneous, no longer bright and burning like the flames that lick from her skin, but solidified inside of her chest. Her heart beats against it, uncomfortable, this immovable mass that now feels as if it is just a part of her.
Sometimes she wonders if this stagnant indifference is worse than unmanageable anger from before, because at least when she had something to hate it felt as if she had a purpose. There is nothing left for her here, it seems, and there is no reason for her to stay.
Yet here she is, lingering near the edge of the forest. She does not bother trying to hide — it’s not as if she could. The sun had fallen low in the sky, and the orange glow of her flames lit like a beacon in the gathering dark. She was irritated by the cold; it made her think of someone she’d rather not think of, and if she could burn winter away she thinks she would.
It was the only reason she had drifted this close to the general population, her embered eyes cautiously scanning, seeking out a distraction. She isn’t sure what she is looking for, or even what she wants, but she is sure that it will find her.
Brinly
@claudius