09-20-2015, 08:08 PM
Fennick 1:
+ Good observation of your differences
○ The extra bit about him considering an attack and then not following through with it is just fluff for me.
- In your attack you don’t mention what side you are attacking. You want to be as descript about your attack as possible to leave no chance for misunderstanding on your opponent’s behalf.
- This is also two attacks. There’s the initial shove/T-bone movement and a separate biting attack. As you continue the post, you also point out that they are two attacks.
“If he could get a firm grip, AND if he hit hard enough…..”
“But she would bear the brunt of his weight AND snapping teeth”
(I’ve added capitalizing for emphasis)
+ I like that you realize that your attack is not without risk of danger to yourself, and you’ve pointed those risks out.
+ He’s also very well aware of his own disadvantages, which is nice.
Kimber 1:
○ I struggled to follow how you took Fennick’s first attack (which is partially due to him not specifying what side). Horses are solid masses, not rubber and will not just bounce off each other. That said, I would’ve liked to see either some type of stumble from taking the impact or a front leg pivot to try and move with the impact.
+ Favoring your own injuries during your attack
+ Very simple attack, but definitely thought out. Like that you kept at only a partial rear both for speed and because of the size differences.
○ No point loss for teeth here because you only bare them, but do not actively use them to attack.
+ Good pointing out potential damages and possible movements.
- After her right pivot, does she continue to circle to the right or does she start circling to the left (which would be my thought as after she pivots away from Fennick, starting a left circle would make much more sense than finishing her spin to start a right circle)
Fennick 2:
+ I like that you play right through her attack and take the damage well.
○ I know you’re kicking blind, but would’ve like to see a few options for side movement on Kimber.
+ First thing I thought about when Fennick bucked was that elbow. Loved that you played through the injury well, even though it put your character at a disadvantage.
Kimber 2:
+ Good detail with taking damage and your own stumble.
- You still don’t specify which way you are circling. We can figure it out from your next attack, but it shouldn’t be up to us to figure it out.
+ I do like that you are focusing on a single area to take him out though.
○ Would like to see a few more counter options for Fennick. He’s not just going to be a constant target. He’s likely to move and I like seeing that you as a player recognize this fact.
Winner: Fennick
Even though you both tied tally wise, I found that Fennick's attacks were a little easier to follow with less guessing on my behalf. I loved that both of you followed through with your injuries, even if it put you at a disadvantage. This was a VERY close battle that I enjoyed reading. Just work on some more details (which I know is hard with word limits) and small specifications and you guys will both keep improving.
I'll also point out that because this was a mock, I did not verify that the word count was under the 650 limit. In a battle with word limits, while not required, it's really nice to just have it posted at the bottom so we know.
+ Good observation of your differences
○ The extra bit about him considering an attack and then not following through with it is just fluff for me.
- In your attack you don’t mention what side you are attacking. You want to be as descript about your attack as possible to leave no chance for misunderstanding on your opponent’s behalf.
- This is also two attacks. There’s the initial shove/T-bone movement and a separate biting attack. As you continue the post, you also point out that they are two attacks.
“If he could get a firm grip, AND if he hit hard enough…..”
“But she would bear the brunt of his weight AND snapping teeth”
(I’ve added capitalizing for emphasis)
+ I like that you realize that your attack is not without risk of danger to yourself, and you’ve pointed those risks out.
+ He’s also very well aware of his own disadvantages, which is nice.
Kimber 1:
○ I struggled to follow how you took Fennick’s first attack (which is partially due to him not specifying what side). Horses are solid masses, not rubber and will not just bounce off each other. That said, I would’ve liked to see either some type of stumble from taking the impact or a front leg pivot to try and move with the impact.
+ Favoring your own injuries during your attack
+ Very simple attack, but definitely thought out. Like that you kept at only a partial rear both for speed and because of the size differences.
○ No point loss for teeth here because you only bare them, but do not actively use them to attack.
+ Good pointing out potential damages and possible movements.
- After her right pivot, does she continue to circle to the right or does she start circling to the left (which would be my thought as after she pivots away from Fennick, starting a left circle would make much more sense than finishing her spin to start a right circle)
Fennick 2:
+ I like that you play right through her attack and take the damage well.
○ I know you’re kicking blind, but would’ve like to see a few options for side movement on Kimber.
+ First thing I thought about when Fennick bucked was that elbow. Loved that you played through the injury well, even though it put your character at a disadvantage.
Kimber 2:
+ Good detail with taking damage and your own stumble.
- You still don’t specify which way you are circling. We can figure it out from your next attack, but it shouldn’t be up to us to figure it out.
+ I do like that you are focusing on a single area to take him out though.
○ Would like to see a few more counter options for Fennick. He’s not just going to be a constant target. He’s likely to move and I like seeing that you as a player recognize this fact.
Winner: Fennick
Even though you both tied tally wise, I found that Fennick's attacks were a little easier to follow with less guessing on my behalf. I loved that both of you followed through with your injuries, even if it put you at a disadvantage. This was a VERY close battle that I enjoyed reading. Just work on some more details (which I know is hard with word limits) and small specifications and you guys will both keep improving.
I'll also point out that because this was a mock, I did not verify that the word count was under the 650 limit. In a battle with word limits, while not required, it's really nice to just have it posted at the bottom so we know.