02-20-2016, 03:29 PM
Lucrezia knew she shouldn’t have stayed here. She should have run when she first had the chance once she realized that the place she arrived in was the Chamber. However, she couldn’t – willfully wouldn’t, something she would not admit it to saying. There was something here within this kingdom that held her here, anchored her to the ground. Maybe it was the memories that kept coming back, the ones she kept pushing back into the darkness. She cannot forget them so easily as she wishes to.
It is the very memories that haunt her. The very memories that make her act out. These memories of hers are filled with happy moments, things she deeply desires for down in the very depth of her soul. Lucrezia wants to forgive her sister for what she believes is a broken promise. She loves Straia deeply still, despite what differences she may have with her now and their father, and always will. Yet, she is stubborn. She is selfish because she feels forgotten, unloved, and unimportant to those she does care for. A childish way it may be, but Lucrezia doesn’t care because she wants it all back. She wants the childhood she should’ve gotten – the happy ending with an older sister and loving father – but she will never have it.
She will never have anything.
“I am not worried about being a lady, Straia.” She says sharply. Lucrezia has always played nicely since she was a little girl. Rodrik had shaped her into being such that nature. She was supposed to be a lady – patient, gentle, and caring – but she was molded to use weapons at her will if necessary. She remembers her lessons well, grained into her small blank canvas when she was just a child. It was planning, being one step ahead of the others, and manipulating them to your plan. The mare could do it all if she had wanted to. Yet, it was not who she was. She was no planner to take down others and uses them as she pleased for herself or even the greater good (whatever that might be). Lucrezia is learning though, coming to understanding, that maybe she must be something she is not in order to have something or anything. Maybe she must be the person her father intended her to be.
Lucrezia nostrils flares angrily when Straia mentions the Chamberlings that she saw in purgatory. She cannot help but think Straia is truly mad for letting her own people into that place. Then again, she had not chosen to be there as well. She had chosen nothing of the life she is living now (but she could now if she truly wanted to). Lucrezia doesn’t even need to confirm who the horses are before Straia tumbles further down into Lucrezia’s pit of grudge she already has for her sister. “Managed? You sent her off into a lion’s den. She could be dead for all you know. You weren’t there. You didn’t see what I saw.” She huffs, taking a step towards Straia. Her eyes widen quickly as Straia continues forward with her words. “I did not fail. I did what I could! But you, you came too late! You failed me, Straia. And maybe the only family that will truly love you!”
She doesn’t except to be herded away so quickly when Straia demands it. In fact, it’s the first time she notices Kushiel is still there. It’s not she knew the stallion, so this moment she doesn’t feel so sad. However, she realizes just how awkward it might have been for him, wrapped into one mess between a family feud. “Don’t touch me,” she says sharply when he tries to herd her away. Lucrezia didn’t need anyone to show her the way out of the Chamber. She remembers the path well because it was the same path she had last taken when she saw the Chamber. This place was never meant for her truly. She was never fit to live in the Chamber all along and she clearly believes now that this place has never been here home. It has never wanted her to begin with. And Lucrezia should be pleased with that fact but she is not truly.
“I wish things turned out differently,” she says softly and admits honestly to Straia. Lucrezia wished for many things to turn out differently but most of all she wished this moment had turned out not like this. She needed her sister, despite all of her words and feelings of hatred towards her these past years. She had always needed Straia. But it seems that the world had a different chosen fate for them – a different path of life that maybe was not meant to be shared with another. And so, she turns away from the Chamber, trotting over the border for perhaps one last time. She doesn’t know if she will ever return.
It is the very memories that haunt her. The very memories that make her act out. These memories of hers are filled with happy moments, things she deeply desires for down in the very depth of her soul. Lucrezia wants to forgive her sister for what she believes is a broken promise. She loves Straia deeply still, despite what differences she may have with her now and their father, and always will. Yet, she is stubborn. She is selfish because she feels forgotten, unloved, and unimportant to those she does care for. A childish way it may be, but Lucrezia doesn’t care because she wants it all back. She wants the childhood she should’ve gotten – the happy ending with an older sister and loving father – but she will never have it.
She will never have anything.
“I am not worried about being a lady, Straia.” She says sharply. Lucrezia has always played nicely since she was a little girl. Rodrik had shaped her into being such that nature. She was supposed to be a lady – patient, gentle, and caring – but she was molded to use weapons at her will if necessary. She remembers her lessons well, grained into her small blank canvas when she was just a child. It was planning, being one step ahead of the others, and manipulating them to your plan. The mare could do it all if she had wanted to. Yet, it was not who she was. She was no planner to take down others and uses them as she pleased for herself or even the greater good (whatever that might be). Lucrezia is learning though, coming to understanding, that maybe she must be something she is not in order to have something or anything. Maybe she must be the person her father intended her to be.
Lucrezia nostrils flares angrily when Straia mentions the Chamberlings that she saw in purgatory. She cannot help but think Straia is truly mad for letting her own people into that place. Then again, she had not chosen to be there as well. She had chosen nothing of the life she is living now (but she could now if she truly wanted to). Lucrezia doesn’t even need to confirm who the horses are before Straia tumbles further down into Lucrezia’s pit of grudge she already has for her sister. “Managed? You sent her off into a lion’s den. She could be dead for all you know. You weren’t there. You didn’t see what I saw.” She huffs, taking a step towards Straia. Her eyes widen quickly as Straia continues forward with her words. “I did not fail. I did what I could! But you, you came too late! You failed me, Straia. And maybe the only family that will truly love you!”
She doesn’t except to be herded away so quickly when Straia demands it. In fact, it’s the first time she notices Kushiel is still there. It’s not she knew the stallion, so this moment she doesn’t feel so sad. However, she realizes just how awkward it might have been for him, wrapped into one mess between a family feud. “Don’t touch me,” she says sharply when he tries to herd her away. Lucrezia didn’t need anyone to show her the way out of the Chamber. She remembers the path well because it was the same path she had last taken when she saw the Chamber. This place was never meant for her truly. She was never fit to live in the Chamber all along and she clearly believes now that this place has never been here home. It has never wanted her to begin with. And Lucrezia should be pleased with that fact but she is not truly.
“I wish things turned out differently,” she says softly and admits honestly to Straia. Lucrezia wished for many things to turn out differently but most of all she wished this moment had turned out not like this. She needed her sister, despite all of her words and feelings of hatred towards her these past years. She had always needed Straia. But it seems that the world had a different chosen fate for them – a different path of life that maybe was not meant to be shared with another. And so, she turns away from the Chamber, trotting over the border for perhaps one last time. She doesn’t know if she will ever return.
Lucrezia
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