this is all of me for all the world to see; leliana

[leliana]

goodbye, my almost lover
goodbye, my hopeless dream --

Suddenly, she felt very much like an intruder in this scenario.

She was not a mother, she was not related, she was not even a guardian like Magnus. She was just the girl who tore it apart—the girl who, like Atrani said, had broke her family. It didn’t matter that Leliana had no way of knowing there was others. It didn’t matter that when Dovev had found Leliana he didn’t have his memory and had no way of knowing there was a woman and a child waiting for him. None of it mattered.

The only thing that mattered was Leliana had come and ruined it all.

She took a step backward, her hazel eyes widening as she took in the entire scenario, gaze moving from Magnus who stood with head bowed, to Dovev who stood cracking apart at the edges, to the one at the center at it all, the one who mattered most: Atrani. It felt like the air was being squeezed from her lungs.

She couldn’t do any good here. She couldn’t heal them, she couldn’t bring them together. For the first time in her entire life, she was utterly and completely helpless. Her wings shifted at her side, moving from onyx to the gold of Magnus coat to red of Atrani’s chestnut. Finally, they turned a deep scarlet, flickering to orange and then back again, the result living flames at her sides, burning as the insides of her burned.

Her mouth parted for a second as Atrani gave her father permission and then she closed it again, shaking her head in disbelief and fear and shame. This was not what Dovev wanted. He didn’t want to forfeit his very family for her; he didn’t want to lose everything. But she had put him in that spot. She had put him in a position where his very daughter was trying to cut ties with him…all because of her.

There was a strangled noise in her throat as she looked toward Dovev.

No words came but the apology writ in her eyes was clear enough.

leliana