His reviewing had made him come with a lot of conclusions - but the most important one had been the thing he just told Eva. He can’t really be happy without her; and perhaps it’s time he told her the rest, then, too.
If only he knew where to start. Or how she would react, for that matter - but that’s a paradox and he knows it, and so he sighs. Eva… well, he wants her to be happy, and if that is with the other guy then she should definitely be with him… but then she says that he is welcome here, and he’s not so sure what makes her happy. Where would it leave them, indeed?
”I used to… dream, I think, or hope, to have a herd of my own.” he smiles a bit. ”That was before I realized that I could never ask any mare to tie themselves down to me if I wasn't gonna be one hundred percent faithful to them, in return.” Once, he would have chosen a herd life but ideally, Eva would have been at his side, as perhaps his favourite or second or lead mare or whatever. Frankly he could not ask this of her; she was her own free spirit, and perhaps that had attracted him to her so much. ”I would have all my families together in one, and maybe you’d like them too, but… how could I ask you, how could I ask anyone to look at my other children and like them as much as their own?” To have all he brought home get along like sisters? He shakes his head, the problem is clear to him. ”Even if I could,” because hell, she might say exactly that, ”I don’t think that I should, or want to.”
He shrugs, a wry smile on his features, no different than before. ”I don’t know where that leaves us. I wish we could start over and then I could stay here with you. I care more for you than for anyone else, but I don’t want to tie you down. I just want you to be happy. I just wish I knew how to do that.” There is no easy solution regardless, he thinks. She couldn’t and shouldn’t split herself between the two families she had just to be a part of his, while he was also distracted with others - and still lead the island. It was too much to ask, for sure.
from the ashes a fire shall be woken
@[Eva]