cold in the violence after the war
hope is a fire to keep us warm
“I know,” she whispers, though the knowledge does nothing to stem the grief. If there is anything she knew in this world, it was the implicit honesty in her father’s love for her. She had never doubted it. And that is perhaps what made the ache of his disappearance all the more profound. She knows, without doubt, that he would have never left her and Dagen had he had a choice.
Just as she knows her mother’s disappearance had to have been involuntary. Though Brazen cannot claim any great knowledge of her mother’s true purposes, she knows beyond any doubt that Heartfire would not have chosen to leave so abruptly with so many things left unfinished. And it reminds her harshly of the great and terrible powers her mother had so frequently chosen to toy with.
Which of those had been the impetus behind her disappearance?
She’s not certain she will ever know the answer to that question. Nor is she certain she wishes to.
It’s impossible for her to know the many things crowding her friend’s mind as she gently reassures her. And even could she know, she is not entirely certain she could explain any of it. Her mother and father’s relationship had always been tempestuous at best, and Brazen had never quite understood it.
Whatever she might have expected from this reunion however, it had certainly not been a swan dive into memories from her ancient past, nor had it been the resurgence of emotions she had tried so hard to repress. And when Lilli offers comfort in the wake of those unexpected memories, Brazen leans almost unconciously into the embrace.
Drawing an unsteady breath, she loses herself in the warmth and companionship of the moment, eyes squeezed shut as she tries to shake the thick weight of her own thoughts. She does not allow the tears to fall though, and after a moment, she recalls herself to the discomfort her embrace must bring. Bone and blood regrettably do not make for a comfortable experience for those who press too close.
Withdrawing slightly, she manages a faint, almost-smile as she gives a staccato shake of her head. “Don’t be sorry,” she finally mutters in protest. “It’s just how life is, I think.”
Suddenly she laughs, as though the bright sound might dismiss all these dark musings. “What did I do to deserve a friend like you anyway?” With a gentle warmth, she brushes her nose against Lilli’s shoulder, chestnut against chestnut. The easy ways in which Lilli seems to handle the emotions of their reunion is certainly not a strength which Brazen possesses, and it seems far easier to shift the subject away from such things. Otherwise she might question how Lilli had come to know so much about her, and those are not thoughts Brazen particularly wishes to explore at the moment. For all of Brazen’s open gaiety, she has never been so vulnerable before someone. And it’s an uncomfortable realization.
A reminder of the many ways in which she hadn’t escaped the influence of her own parent’s turbulent failings.
“Now you know all my secrets you’re stuck with me,” she teases, trying - perhaps a little too hard - to reclaim some of her own former lightness. “At least, I’m pretty sure that’s how it works, isn’t it?”
Were she a little less transparent, she might even have succeeded in presenting the carefree and lighthearted face she’d once worn so easily.
Brazen