Oh, how fucking rich, is what begins to spill out Litotes’ mouth when Starsin offers her rebuttals. He stares at her with wide, roiling eyes as she speaks, opting to bite his tongue and keep the peace (for now). There’s enough anger for the both of them, but mostly there is sadness—a sense of betrayal and confusion. The mixture of complicated and erratic emotions brews into an overdone tea, now too strong and bitter for even the most potent sugars to mask.
Litotes stares and stares, ears turned halfway down to his mane. He is statuesque, silent, considering. First his gemstone eyes lift up to the tips of Starsin’s ears, then slowly down to the soft curves of her lips, where he lingers for a few seconds too long. When Lie returns his gaze to Starsin’s, a clear—almost smug—confidence mellows his eyes. She drew closer to him and though it may not be in the way he desires, it is certainly enough. It has to be enough, for Litotes knows he cannot live with this ache any longer.
“I couldn’t tell her—Lilt—who I am,” the cremello replies, tearing his eyes from Starsin and glancing at his companion apologetically. Lie offers no other explanation; instead, he stumbles on his words, finds that his confidence and fury dies with the realization that he doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to do the next best thing (arguing to retain intimacy). Lie realizes very suddenly that this game of second-best is what sent him into hiding in the first place. He sits in his own stunned silence thinking how empty he feels when he throws venom at someone he wishes he could love.
A muscle in the corner of Litotes’ jaw jumps when he turns his head to stare away from both Starsin and Lilt. The only sound is the trio’s shared breathing.
“No game to play, Starsin,” Lie finally says. He turns to peer at her with soft, nearly empty eyes. “I don’t think you want to hear what I’ve been through these past few years, trying to move on.” He drops his gaze to the ground now, gritting his teeth against the desire to tell her how hard he has worked to move on from everything, not just her, and how she is the only piece of his history he can’t let go.
Litotes sighs and closes his eyes, wishing desperately that he had remained locked at the Mountain’s base. He wonders if he tries hard enough, can he think enough at a fairy that they will take him from this hell? Or if he leaves, runs until his legs fall beneath him, will the fairies wipe Starsin from his memory, even if to rid themselves of one so pathetic?
“Is this a mistake, Starsin?” Lie whispers, defeated. “I can leave.” Lilt matters to him even as he offers to go—the thought of her twists his heart, in fact—but now, freezing to death beneath the layers of ice he can never breach, he hopes someone else will comfort her.
as it softly glides across your back
and i hope you leave right before the sun comes up
so i can watch it alone
