"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
For one breathless moment she feels so close to uncovering this secret, to setting him free, Beyza is almost drunk on the possibilities. She’s blinded by her curiosity so she does not notice how he trembles when she passes over him like fog. It is only when he speaks that reality slams into her.
His words sting, and she slides up a blank expression to conceal her hurt as best as she can. But she does move from him, retreat far enough away to give herself space. How many times can she be rejected by him in one way or another? She can't imagine this being anything other than a personal slight, even though his mother is one as well. Anaxarete wasn't here, speaking words of encouragement and offering promises.
Although there is anger, burning white-hot, she turns away for a moment to gather her thoughts but not before she bites out a few words. “You’re right, I don’t understand.”
There is so much that she does not understand about him, about his thought process. Monsters aren’t such terrible things. They’re just called monsters by those who don’t understand. And Beyza wants to understand Jamie, wants to see what lurks beneath - wants to see if it has teeth that can sink into her.
She suffers the disappointment of his continuous rejection poorly. But like so many things in her life, Beyza takes a breath and packages it away with a little more of her ability to feel. She'd leave if she knew how to retreat.
Her voice is calmer again when she speaks again, her white gaze finding its way back to his face as she tries to force herself to be rational even though she just wants to shock Jamie out of whatever apathy he has settled in. “You’re keeping yourself chained for no reason at all and I will never understand that. Not when freedom is available.” Another calming breath, and then something that could be a smile appears. Something like kindness warming the chill of her gaze.
Although the words are spoken kindly, they are chosen carefully. “But. You’d only need to ask, if you ever change your mind. It's the least I can do for Livinia's brother.” A reminder (for herself, mostly, though she won't deny the small jab) that his twin is all they have in common.
