Anger would be easier to deal with and it is not surprising that Plume does not yell or rage. The quiet sadness, the raw heartbreak, is so so much worse and although Agetta has been living with this knowledge, knew this would be a conversation they had to have, it is something else entirely to live it.
When he asks if he was not enough, she feels her legs tremble as she threatens to collapse. “Oh Plume.” She chokes on his name and takes a small step forward but stops herself before she can go any further. She’s not strong enough to watch him recoil from her if she should try to touch him. Even if that is exactly what she deserves to witness.
“You’re everything.” And then suddenly all the thoughts that have been like a hurricane in her mind come tumbling out, her voice strained as the words are joined by tears. “I know I’ve given you no reason to believe me but that’s the truth. It’s me, my failings. When you came back - it was the happiest I have ever been. And then all I could think was how you did this huge, wonderful thing to be reunited with someone who no longer deserved you.” Agetta inhales a ragged breath. There’s no ease that comes with finally speaking these thoughts out loud, no sense of lightening in her heart. She’ll continue to sink for the rest of her days, the look on Plume’s face the anchor dragging her down to the fate she does deserve.
“I’ve been alive for so long now. When I wasn’t sulking in the shadows because the world had moved on without me, I was busy making so many mistakes, letting hatred and darkness fester inside of my heart and poison me. So when you came back, I was afraid that if you knew... if you knew how different I am now to that black mare you met in the Gates, you’d know I didn’t deserve for you to cross over from the world of the dead. That I don’t deserve your love.”
It's hard to stem the flow of words now and she doesn't know if they are just plunging that knife in further - but at least she's being honest. Finally. “But I didn’t even give you the chance to know me, I just ran. I hid because I was afraid - and then I went and broke us anyway.” She'd laugh at the irony of it if she could. But she feels hollow. She looks up to the starry sky then, though she finds no comfort there. “None of it is fair - especially that I didn't even give you a chance.”
@[plume]