She is reaching for that shield of composure - the one that dawns so often as a smile - but nothing comes. The edges of her dark lips don't quirk upward; that warmth she has always tried to guard herself with goes dark. The spark she has used to cast a thousand shadows with doesn't catch against the flint she has so often used to strike it with.
For the first time in her life, Lilliana comes up empty.
There is only darkness between her and this beloved friend. Held against her silver dappled side, the only light she sees is the fine, white hairs that tell a story on Neverwhere's skin. A physical reminder to Lilliana that she has not only loved in one place but many and here was the proof - the exposed flank that took the brutal brunt of it. That for all those jagged edges that Lilliana tried smooth out, that for all the ways she spread herself thin, there had been a price to pay and it wasn't her that had paid it; Neverwhere had.
The Taigan mare feels so oddly dull - hollow - standing there. Like she is scattered in a million different places that it seems impossible that she can be standing in only one. (Her mind goes to the Beach and Aela. The darkness. Taiga and her sons. To standing again in Nerine.) When the pair pulls away and Lilliana focuses on golden Beryl, it takes all of her concentration to do so. She can feel her head growing dizzy, a humming in the back of her mind that reminds her that lack of rest and appetite takes a toll. There had been a price to pay there too, and it's not just in her haggard appearance - the too thin hips that point out, the dullness of her coat, the still-healing wound on her right shoulder from Celina that will mar her flame tattoo.
If she knew (and had the energy to correct) what Neverwhere thought, she would have been more firm in making her gratitude known to Beryl. There is no doubt in her mind that if the lion-shifter hadn't stumbled across that beach, Lilliana wouldn't be here and her daughter.. Aela. She thinks, vividly remembering the way her child had frantically raced down that beach. Her heart runs in a parallel rhythm, starting to race ragged again. The contours of her face shatter into a million pieces and Lilli makes no motion to pull the edges back together. The job isn't half-done; Beryl had done what she could and if there is any shortcoming, it is her fault. It always is.
Turning her head towards Neverwhere, she listens as the Nerinian leader states that Brennen has been in the ocean for days. That the spell he's been casting has been going on for that same amount of time. "Is his power tied to the tides?" She asks quietly, "are there times it comes weaker or stronger?" It easier to focus on this, to force herself to be here than anywhere else. What Brennen's Magic can do remains as much a mystery as the murky depths of the ocean; places where midnight storms barely churn the bottom and legends like kelpies and Krakens could dwell.
Lilliana doesn't know any Magicians aside from their Champion but the idea flows into her mind.
"If he needs physical protection," she says (does he? What does a water Magician require besides his Element?), "Brazen might be able to offer some security. And Fiorina, if she is still here, is an accomplished fighter." Winter settles into her mind again and the red mare shivers involuntarily, reminded of the copper smell of blood and battle. Of Ruthless screaming. @[Neverwhere] said to keep a friendly eye on the water. "What about in it?" she continues, thinking of Ischia and their aquatic population. "Perhaps Ischia could be persuaded to help, if they knew about the troubles?"
LILLIANA
if i ever get to heaven
i've got a long list of questions