"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Mesec is alive again. He returns to a world in darkness, a small halo of light the only sign of the sun that is hidden. It does not deter him - barely even worries him. What is darkness to him, after all? He had been born into a world of shadows, and he had just climbed his way through the afterlife. His heart thunders in his chest but it is not out of fear.
He cannot name the emotion that drives his pulse, it is different than anything else he has felt. It is warmth against the chilled air. He could, but does not, return to Loess right away - there’s something more important that needs to be done first.
Mesec is looking for her, for Alaska.
The silver glow radiating from him is dimmer now but in contrast to the darkness it is bright enough to mimic the moonlight it resembles. He coasts through the air on glowing wings - not yet thinking that it’s going to be difficult to find her when everyone looks the same on the ground. He’s too full of life, of excitement, the thrill of having more time. His memories are still there but the sharp edges of the darkest ones have softened since he passed through the gateway.
For now, all Mesec knows is hope. And it’s enough to keep his wings beating as he searches for Alaska and his heart racing at the idea of seeing her again.
It had lingered—long-lasting and bitter and strangely comforting. She doesn’t know how long she had laid there next to him, how long she had wept over his still body, but when she had finally risen, her bones had ached. Her eyes were swollen and her lips chapped, her knees covered in mud. Part of her had considered digging him a grave—something to preserve him—but it had felt more fitting to leave him to the earth and the air. To let him return to the natural order and become part of something larger.
But that had not stopped her from twisting her front legs into something sharp and more tactile. Limbs that could first shear a piece of his mane off and then knot it into her own. It was clumsy work but she had managed to tie the black into her crimson mane and it was comforting to take him with her.
A piece of him as weighty as the sorrow she carried.
As the darkness came.
As the world around her changed once more.
She does not fear it and she finds that she cannot feel much of anything. Cannot feel wonder at the things that shift in the darkness or that familiar thrill at new adventures to be had. She feels strangely hollow, as though the sorrow rattles around in her, and she begins to think she won’t ever feel anything ever again.
That is until she sees him moving through the shadows, a glimpse of his silver.
Dangerous hope spears straight through her as she moves forward, tossing her head back so the dark of his hair falls back to rest against the ivory of her. Terrified that it isn’t real, she forces herself to call out.
Mesec isn’t sure why he had thought it would be difficult to find her, because as soon as it happens he believes there was no way he could have mistaken her for anyone else. There may as well be a spotlight on her and he banks his wings and lands immediately, wading through the dark grass to reach her. “Alaska.” Though her name had been on his mind since his death, there is a pleasure in being able to speak it out loud again.
He feels the syllables of it like he feels the tendrils of vegetation against his legs when he comes to stand before her so that the moon-soft glow from his body highlights her features.
Should he apologize first or explain? There’s a moment where he’s just dazzled by her, by this moment that he had spent so much time thinking about. “There was a gateway…” Whatever explanation he had been planning on giving, whatever he was going to say, he trails off when his silver gaze catches on the black lock of hair. Even in the darkness he can tell it is not part of her usual red mane, the contrast against her pale coat is too great.
Feeling his heart race once more in his chest brings an immense comfort. And when his eyes move to hers, there is no way to quantify the smile that shines through him.
“I hope it’s not too forward of me - but I took the liberty of giving us more time.”
She does not know shyness. Does not know how to feel shame. So she has no ability to hold herself back when others might. Instead, she barrels forward, launching herself into his side and pressing into him, feeling the warmth of him rush over her. There are tears on her cheek, hot and steady, but she doesn’t know how to feel embarrassed of those either. They just are—as the sky, as the moon, as the infinite sun.
“Mesec,” she repeats, because it is the only word that comes to her. It is the only thing that her mouth knows how to form and she repeats it, again, and again. She presses it into the side of his slick neck, not caring that the darkness creeps forward around them. Not caring about the sound of otherworldly things that bump and crawl—the fear that should surely take root in her heart and spread.
But all she feels is gladness.
All she feels is a deep-rooted relief.
His words finally register and she lets out a watery laugh as she finally pulls away from him, hesitant to create too much distance lest it be a dream—just a marvelous figment of her imagination. But he does not disappear and so she greedily studies the planes of his face. The way that his horn grows crooked and the silver creeps up his nose. All the things she has not yet been given the chance to learn as she might.
“I will take every moment,” she confesses, unabashed.
Relief rushes through Mesec like a flood when she closes the gap between them and he savours the feeling of her skin on his, his name on her lips as she presses it into him and he loses himself in the scent of her. His own tears rise as he becomes so overwhelmed with happiness, with the sensation of being alive, and with her.
That this incredible, free, wild mare could be so happy to see him causes his heart to thunder in his chest and his skin prickles with a forgotten delight where she touches him. The world, the darkness, death itself, does not exist for them. Not here.
He takes a moment to admire her when she steps back, silver eyes tracing her face and her sun-bright golden eyes as they trace him. He does not let the space linger for long before his silver-lined muzzle brushes her cheeks where the tears that match his own rest. “I’m so sorry, I’m glad you were there but I wish you hadn’t had to see…” He swallows, remembering the pain - but he pushes the thoughts of that aside. It doesn’t belong in this moment. It’s his turn to pull back but he pulls on a strand of her wild red mane as he does and his silver eyes shine.
“I’ll follow you anywhere, Alaska.” Dying for Loess seems silly now and Mesec isn’t sure he wants to return there at all. How could he, after what happened? The need to belong somewhere has faded - and in her presence it is non-existent.
The moment could never last long enough—not matter how long they stayed here like this. The feeling of tears on her cheeks is entirely foreign but she embraces them all the same. Embraces them for the way that they remind her of him. That the tears that had once been something made entirely of sorrow are instead now made entirely of relief. She could live forever in this moment and it wouldn’t be enough.
They break apart and she can feel her heart racing—feel her pulse thudding painfully against her ribs. When he speaks again, her face splits open into a grin, her eyes still watery. “Then you’re going to be walking for a very long time,” she says with a laugh, the sound thick with the tears still and she rolls her shoulders as if to laugh at herself, unused to the display of emotion but still unembarrassed.
“I’ve never had a home before,” she admits, but she doesn’t feel particularly sad about it. She had left her mother when she was young, on accident more than anything, and while she had stayed with Wolfbane for a short while, that hadn’t been home either. Since then, she had wandered—constantly wandered.
She takes another step toward him, pulled as if by gravity.
“I think maybe I’m home now though,” her smile is small, barely noticeable against the pull of her lips.
She reaches forward to press her nose into the curls of his black mane, against the silver of him.
Mesec has felt happiness before, had even thought he had known love, but Alaska’s words and the emotions they inspire eclipse everything else. His previous infatuations, the careful and doomed courtships, the ill-conceived solace found in the company of another. Mesec doesn’t regret any of it, he just sees it all now for what it truly was.
It has been a long road for this silver-lined stallion and as he inhales Alaska’s scent and unashamedly relishes the feeling of her touch - he finds himself looking forward to the path ahead in a way he has not ever allowed himself to.
That she could think of him as her home, that he could somehow be worthy of such affection from Alaska, is overwhelming enough to inspire renewed tears in Mesec’s silver eyes. He’s thankful for their embrace in more ways than one, including the chance to try to get himself at least a little under control.
He is quiet for a moment but does not remain still while he gathers his thoughts. His silver muzzle noses the lock of black mane tied in her hair and then he gently brushes his lips against the white skin of her neck. That’s where he replies, pressing the words carefully back to her - his voice quiet as though that could possibly do anything to hide the sweet tide of emotions it carries.
“And you’re mine.” His home, his sun, his future. For as long as she’ll have him, he’ll follow her.
She isn’t sure how something has grown so quickly.
How just meeting him planted a seed in her that has burst forth as this garden, but she has never been one to question life or try to discern the details of it. Instead, she gladly leans into the moment, gladly lets the feeling of warmth wash over her as his milky glow lights the area around them. She sighs, curling into him, feeling his heat and knowing that it is a sign that he is alive, that they are live, that this is real.
She would stay here forever, she thinks, and she smiles when he claims her as his own.
She had never thought that she was something to be claimed, but she finds she does not mind it.
Does not mind being his home—being his.
So she just smiles, reaching out to explore the curve of his jaw and the sweep of his neck. Studying the horn that grows crooked from his head and the way the dark of him bleeds into the silvery light. She absorbs the wings that usually grace her side and she turns to tuck under his own, feeling the slick slide of his coat against her as she ducks her head. “Now that we have more time,” she starts, golden eyes looking up from beneath crimson lashes, “you can tell me more about where you came from.”
She wanted to hear everything—everything that he had experienced and done.
Mesec holds his silver-lined wing over Alaska as she nestles against him, his silver eyes closing for a moment to enjoy the bliss of this moment. Of being alive next to her, feeling her skin pressed against his, as his silver feathers drape across her body.
Her request has him looking down at her and he smiles because otherwise he knows he'd grow still, otherwise the uncertainty would rise in him. “Okay.” He replies in a quiet voice first, then he swallows against the nerves that suddenly rise up in him. Although Mesec had grown to look back on much of his life with fondness, although he has made peace and healed from much of it, it's easy to fall into the trap of his old insecurities. But, there's only one way to find out what Alaska will think of the years that led him to this spot.
So he squeezes his wing draped over her slightly as he begins, taking comfort from her presence and her interest.
“Some of it is going to sound… well maybe a little crazy, but it’s all true. I was born in a land called Helovia and there are two main differences between it and Beqanna. There, having a horn or wings or neither defined which race you belonged to. Hybrids, like me, weren’t very common. And… the magic of Helovia was governed by three gods and a goddess, all presiding over different elements. My… my mom was the Moon Goddess.” Even now saying this out loud brings a little flush of embarrassment. Any magic that Mesec had that made him a demigod has long since faded but it is still an odd thing to say. Mesec explains to Alaska how each of the gods had a single child to be emissaries with the mortal population, how his father was part of a unicorn herd that hated the other races.
How he had been dumped by his mother into this northern herd, where his father already had a large family with another mare. And how there he had been treated with a combination of indifference and outright hostility - culminating when one of his half-sisters decided to try to tear his wings off in order to make him look right. How young he had been when he had ran rather than stay with them a moment longer.
Mesec wishes his story for Alaska was filled with more kindness and not just pockets of it. Wishes each rise was not accompanied by a fall. But he tells her everything - the good and the bad. His voice is mostly steady but now and then it falters with memories still painful.
He tells her of Ophelia, the mare who had adopted him and shown him what families could be like. The murders his birth mother committed by possessing a follower of her rival, the Sun God - how one the murders had been the sister who had attacked him, how he had still mourned her after everything. And then how Mesec had turned his back on the Moon and lived in the desert with the sun worshippers for a time. The eventual reconciliation with some of his siblings and his father.
He tells her of stoic Lucius and rambunctious Lyra - his companions. How when things had finally seemed stable for him he discovered that he could shift into a warg, a giant wolf-like creature that only knew hunger, but could not control these shifts and how Mesec only knew what destruction he caused whenever he woke up and his companions told him. These episodes were triggered by heightened emotions and Mesec explains how he tried to distance himself from everyone in order to protect them - including his first children, who he dared not spend more than a couple minutes with out of fear of what lived inside him.
He tells her how that didn’t work - the distance - and his voice grows quiet as he explains how as the warg he had tried to kill a friend, a boy not even 2 years old, and was finally driven back to the moon, to his mother, to seek help in controlling the beast.
And then when things had once again seemed to plateau for him, how radioactive beasts arrived to destroy the world he knew. He watched as his mother and the other gods sacrificed themselves to create a portal to another, hopefully safer, land for the rest of them. Watched as many of his friends and family members fell before they could make it through and then he found the new world they arrived in was beyond hostile after all.
“I gathered what was left of my family and we wandered until we found somewhere peaceful. And there I raised my children and knew peace. But once they were grown and gone in search of lives of their own I… I decided I wasn’t done living yet.” Mesec inhales deeply, reaching the end of his story - a small smile returning to his silver eyes as he glances down at Alaska finally - wondering what she’ll make of the whole thing. “So I left too and then I found Beqanna. And I found you.”
Mesec
@[alaska] god that's so long and I even shortened his history a bit lmao I'm so sorry
