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Any satisfaction Mazikeen feels over getting under his skin is short-lived. She can’t puzzle out what his reaction means exactly, but she thinks she’s made him uncomfortable. He won’t even look at her afterwards and her mind buzzes as she half-listens to his explanation of the benefit of hooves and the damage they can inflict. It is interesting, what he’s telling her, but she’s still not distracted enough.
And when he turns to her, smiling, and mentions their battle, Mazikeen hates herself for the warmth that tickles her skin as their eyes meet again.
A groan of frustration escapes her and Mazikeen moves - not exactly away but forward and then she starts pacing nearby, her agitation propelling her into action - as if moving her legs will help her sort out the fog that’s settled on her mind. “Gale, I don’t understand this at all. We can spend time together but you don’t want me close? What the hell is that?” Because it doesn’t feel fair and it certainly doesn’t feel like friendship. Not for her. More questions fill her mind, though she doesn’t speak them. What’s the threshold for ‘close’ - would she even be safe as his friend? Is his family safe or is Gale going to remove himself from the lives of everyone he knows slowly? And what if the curse never shows up?
Mazikeen realizes with horror that she’s not done talking about it. About them. She hesitates only for a moment but - well, she’s already cried in front of him - already is pretty sure she’s ruined whatever this could have been by being weak - what’s a little more vulnerability to make it official.
She resents that she’s being like this, that anyone could inspire this sort of reaction from her, but that resentment isn’t enough to keep her quiet.
Pacing helps. She moves several strides in each direction, making a vague 8, and though she stays near enough that she can talk without raising her voice she takes care not to move too close to him. She just wishes she wasn’t so aware of the distance each time she passes. “I want to look forward to our rematch, to going to Islandres in the sunshine, to being able to fly with you as ospreys.” That thought still hurts but she shakes her head and continues quickly. “And I also want to be close to you and spend as much time with you as I can while I can. For me all of that sort of fits together. It’s fine that you don’t want me the same way. I get it. I do. But I don’t know if I can just… pretend that you don’t affect me the way you do.”
Then she hears her own words echo in her mind. Embarrassment seeps in and she flinches a little, looking away from him as her body follows the path she's started. Maze groans in frustration again but this time it’s directed at herself. “Sorry. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m… new to… I’ve never…” Her inexperience suffocates her and she cannot even get the words out to explain the thick confusion in her mind over this whole situation and what it's doing to her heart. She doesn’t know what to do and she wonders if she should just follow his lead. If she could pretend, for the sake of having more time.
Mazikeen inhales a deep, steadying breath before stopping and facing him directly; her eyes bright and guarded, and voice gentle. “What do you want, Gale?” She leaves the interpretation open - with her, with this visit, with life, whatever.
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