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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    [private]  I think it's strange you never knew
    #1



    Avelina had been feeling not quite like herself for some time now. At first, she thought it was upset over having failed at rescuing those trapped in the afterlife - or wherever it was. Then, when more signs began to point to her being pregnant - well, that would certainly make her feel a little off... wouldn’t it?

    Butterflies certainly flutter in her stomach whenever she thought about being a mom - about how happy she was to be sharing this experience with one of her dearest friends.

    She finds out what is off about her - what has changed - in the worst possible way. She finds out as she reaches down to touch her daughter, a beautiful girl of charcoal and stars, and her muzzle goes through the filly. She finds out as the girl stands and falls and Avelina is unable to catch her or help her back up.

    She finds out when the girl goes to feed and cannot.

    An ache twists in her heart at the filly’s hunger and distress. It inspires something new in Avelina - determination. And even though her soft green eyes are welling with tears, she tries to focus on being solid. Tries to make herself accessible - maybe if she tries hard enough she’ll be able to be enough.

    The daughter she hasn’t yet thought to name begins to cry too and it breaks her concentration - the fireflies that normally dance so close to her are moving erratically in wide circles, picking up on her stress. For once, Avelina does not worry about them - she is instinctively lowering her head to soothe the crying filly only to be reminded when her skin does not come into contact with the girl. Her voice cracks when she speaks as she tries to use words instead, as if words could fix this. “I’m sorry baby, I’m trying.”



    @[isakov]
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    #2
    throw me in the water, don’t think about the splash i will create
    leave me at the altar, knowing all the things you just escaped

    It is a dream, he knows that. There is no other explanation for the terrible beauty of it.
    Even in all this darkness. 

    And he finds them the same way he found Sleaze and Sigrid.
    By accident. A fish hook in his gut. Hinged on a promise, guided by fate.

    He finds them breathless and his heart is overwhelmed by what it finds.
    And it thinks, this is love and he understands that these are all of the things he doesn’t deserve and he goes to them so dreadfully happy that it makes his head swim. And he wants to kiss her head, his darling Avelina! And he does not resent her for this softness! 

    He goes to them as quickly as his legs will carry him, so eager to be near them. But something is wrong, the fireflies are agitated and he can hear the way her voice breaks when she speaks to the child. 

    The beautiful, beautiful child. Two stunning girls. 
    How could he have gotten so lucky? Certainly he does not deserve them. 
    He does not deserve any of them, Isakov. 

    He touches her so gently, Avelina. Brushes his mouth against her shoulder just as she reaches for the girl and passes right through her and he knows. 

    It’s all right,” he murmurs into her skin. “It’s all right.

    As if this will be enough to soothe her troubled nerves.

    Hello, little one,” he whispers to the girl. Perfect, beautiful, untouchable. Crying.
    We have to help your mother feed you, okay? Do you think you can help me?” he asks gently, lowering his head to look her steadily in her golden eyes. 

     

    isakov



    @[Avelina]
    Reply
    #3




    He is there and she feels both relief and distress, “Isakov.” She says his name and her voice is whisper quiet and desperate. Avelina tries her best to stifle her tears, to swallow down the frustration that feels like it is tearing her apart. She hadn’t ever wanted him to see her cry again - once had been enough. She hadn’t wanted to ever cry again in general. There had been such a blissful time when she hadn’t needed to, when everything seemed to be working out.

    She cannot bear the idea of her daughter dying. This is the first time in her life where Avelina is losing hope. She doesn’t even believe Isakov when he says it’s all right because how can it be when his touch passes right through her? Despair gets its claws in her as she watches him lower his head to address the girl.

    The filly forgets her hunger for the moment, distracted from the pain by this new thing - blinking golden eyes as she stares at the one who she inherited them from. A single quiet sob escapes her but she is able to swallow the rest and she nods earnestly, eager to help.

    A trait she inherited from her mother.

    Who now feels her heart swell with love for the pair as she looks at them with shining eyes and whispers quietly “How?”



    @[isakov]
    Reply
    #4
    throw me in the water, don’t think about the splash i will create
    leave me at the altar, knowing all the things you just escaped

    He does not know what’s happened only that there is an urgent need to fix it.
    How his heart spasms at the sound of the child’s cry, the strangled sob that creeps up her throat as she looks him in the eye and then nods. 

    It is Avelina that speaks but it is the girl he addresses when he says, “we just need to be brave.

    The children have changed him but he cannot resent them for it.
    He was not built for love, Isakov.
    But he loves them, he knows that and he does not hate them for the softness they draw out of him. Just as he does not hate the child’s mother for the kindness she elicits.

    Can you be brave?” he asks the child and finds her forehead solid when he touches it gently.

    He does not wait for an answer before he returns his attention to Avelina.
    Her tears pain him, too. But he does not allow himself to dwell on them, not this time. Not the same way he did the last time. 

    He does not ask her what has happened, there is no time for that now. 
    There will be plenty of time for that later. Instead, he steadily meets her eye and says again, “it’s all right.

    Whether or not this appears to make a difference he says firmly but not unkindly, “Avelina” to center her focus on him. “Take a deep breath.” He draws in a long breath of his own, as if to demonstrate. “Think about your bones,” he tells her. “Think about all of the things that make you real.

     

    isakov



    @[Avelina]
    Reply
    #5




    Be brave he says and though the filly does not know what this means, she is willing to try. If it will help, because though she does not understand what is happening she knows instinctually that something is wrong. Just as she knows that it will be fixed - one or both of her parents will fix it. They must.

    The girl that Avelina has not yet given a name - though she had dreamed of many and decided on one long before the girl had been born - nods her agreement to her father’s request. Her crying calms, though the hunger aches in her belly, she does what little thing she can and is brave - the first true thought she’ll have in her life is being brave for her parents.

    Avelina wants to tell him that she can’t but the firmness in his voice encourages no argument and she fixes her shining eyes on his face - breathing in with him. His next instructions are harder - Avelina cannot remember what makes her real but she tries. She tries for him and she tries for the now-quiet filly, watching her parents with wide golden eyes.

    Seeing them is a distraction at first so Avelina closes her eyes, trying to focus on her breathing and then her bones. Her hooves and then up her legs to the knees she only ever scraped a few times before she learned to play more gentle. Her hips and shoulders, the graceful curve of her neck. She had begun to solidify but flickers here, thinking of a swan neck for a moment her deep breathing becomes ragged.

    So she opens her eyes, and she looks at Isakov - she looks at their daughter - and she sees two things that make her real. Not her body, but her love for them. The deep charcoal of her hide becomes a solid thing then and though her breathing is still rapid, she manages a small smile for him. She’ll always find a smile for him.



    @[isakov]
    Reply
    #6
    throw me in the water, don’t think about the splash i will create
    leave me at the altar, knowing all the things you just escaped

    He is so proud of her, their girl.
    So proud of her when she nods and quiets her cries.
    And she looks up at him like he’s something worth looking up at (and this fills him with terror, Isakov, because he is not and he never will be and he cannot help but fear that he will let her down someday) and he summons up a smile for her. Something soft, steady and he nods back, something encouraging.

    (How the heart swells! And spasms!
    How he sways so dangerously between terror and pride and love and hate!)

    And then he turns all of his attention back to Avelina.
    And he knows she’s afraid and there is some part of him that is afraid, too. Because he doesn’t know if this will work because he doesn’t know what’s happened that’s made her this way. He only knows that this is what has always worked for him but his intangibility has always been a choice and he cannot say for sure what has caused hers.

    He watches her as she tries. Struggles.
    Watches as she draws in a breath and then closes her eyes.
    Focuses.

    He is quiet, still. He glances between her and their beautiful girl. Brave, smart.
    The two of them wait while Avelina concentrates fiercely on whatever she has to.

    And she begins to solidify and Isakov is proud of her, too.
    And he is looking at her when she opens her eyes again, when she smiles.

    He goes to her, kisses her head. Semi-solid. Solid enough.

    There you are,” he murmurs. 
    Then he goes to their girl and he drops his head and he smiles for her just as her mother had smiled and he says quietly, “you did it. Well done, you.” He touches her gently, encourages her to rise, to eat. 

     

    isakov



    @[Avelina]
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