05-09-2021, 05:16 PM
Mazikeen
It doesn’t escape her notice that his gaze diverts from her and she feels… sullied. That taste of bile rises in her throat again but she doesn’t look away and in a moment she's glad she doesn't. Mazikeen watches him, watches those eyes trail up her body to her face and she feels a hesitant flicker of hope that maybe, maybe, he still loves her.
And then he’s apologizing and she shakes her head, instinct drives her forward a few steps before she hesitates and stops in her tracks. She wants to comfort him and touch him so badly that the red marking on her nose itches with the intensity of those thoughts. How is she always finding herself back here in this same place, unsure of him? He’s proven that she doesn’t need to be over and over but every time feels like it’s different. And sure enough she’s thinking that this time is different. It has to be.
Mazikeen is grateful for the fact that her voice doesn’t waiver when she speaks - there’s a fierce determination in it, willing him to believe what she says because even in her twisting, confusing mind she believes this much. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Some of that fierceness fades when she continues and her own guilt seeps into her words. “But I do. And I’ll never stop being sorry.” Not about the act itself, though that certainly had not been thought through but she's actively pretending it had not broken a piece of her. She’s not sorry for the deal she had struck, not sorry for trying to buy them a little more time. She’s sorry she hadn’t thought about how it would affect him, how she hadn’t been strong enough to hide how it had hurt her, and sorry he had been used too. At that moment, what had been asked of her seemed almost trivial. Just a transaction she had wanted to get over with as quickly as possible before the Curse changed its mind and decided to keep Gale instead of what she offered in exchange for him.
Does he know why the Curse has been taking him at night? Why it had left marks on her? Does he know exactly what she traded away, barely even hesitating, in order to get a future with him? Even if he no longer wants a future with her...
She inhales and fire returns to her eyes as she buries her pain a little deeper. “You don’t deserve this nightmare. And… and I’m going to do whatever I can to end it for you.” And she does not mean in the way she had promised to back on the beach of Islandres.
She should tell him about their children and their fate. But instead she just adds quietly, trying to convey to him the same thing she's always trying to say - that nothing has changed for her. “Even when you can’t stand the sight of me, I’m not going anywhere. I’m still in this.”
And then he’s apologizing and she shakes her head, instinct drives her forward a few steps before she hesitates and stops in her tracks. She wants to comfort him and touch him so badly that the red marking on her nose itches with the intensity of those thoughts. How is she always finding herself back here in this same place, unsure of him? He’s proven that she doesn’t need to be over and over but every time feels like it’s different. And sure enough she’s thinking that this time is different. It has to be.
Mazikeen is grateful for the fact that her voice doesn’t waiver when she speaks - there’s a fierce determination in it, willing him to believe what she says because even in her twisting, confusing mind she believes this much. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Some of that fierceness fades when she continues and her own guilt seeps into her words. “But I do. And I’ll never stop being sorry.” Not about the act itself, though that certainly had not been thought through but she's actively pretending it had not broken a piece of her. She’s not sorry for the deal she had struck, not sorry for trying to buy them a little more time. She’s sorry she hadn’t thought about how it would affect him, how she hadn’t been strong enough to hide how it had hurt her, and sorry he had been used too. At that moment, what had been asked of her seemed almost trivial. Just a transaction she had wanted to get over with as quickly as possible before the Curse changed its mind and decided to keep Gale instead of what she offered in exchange for him.
Does he know why the Curse has been taking him at night? Why it had left marks on her? Does he know exactly what she traded away, barely even hesitating, in order to get a future with him? Even if he no longer wants a future with her...
She inhales and fire returns to her eyes as she buries her pain a little deeper. “You don’t deserve this nightmare. And… and I’m going to do whatever I can to end it for you.” And she does not mean in the way she had promised to back on the beach of Islandres.
She should tell him about their children and their fate. But instead she just adds quietly, trying to convey to him the same thing she's always trying to say - that nothing has changed for her. “Even when you can’t stand the sight of me, I’m not going anywhere. I’m still in this.”
@[Gale]