"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
08-01-2021, 08:24 PM (This post was last modified: 08-01-2021, 08:27 PM by bolder.)
He can feel the heat leaving the body of the small creature. All the struggle (and the life) have gone out of it. Bolder has never killed anything before and his reaction is as stunned as the rabbit's death was quick. But he oddly feels no remorse; there is no sorrow in the death of this animal.
When the pale nose of his Aunt reaches out, the adolescent pup places the body on the ground. He doesn't know if she will take it but Bolder's practical mind is assuming that she'll find a use for it. Perhaps Hyaline had a pack that needed to be fed.
His silver eyes glance down to the frozen ground as he replays the entire hunt, the feel of the rabbit's struggle before it died.
"I think so," Bolder quietly tells Mazikeen. After he has lowered the animal to the ground, he sits and contemplates their entire encounter. Is this what his Father had wanted to keep him from? The young Taigan had grown up with the revulsion of Nashua and other Northerners. He'd always known that it wasn't a good thing to be a shapeshifter but Bolder had never understood why. Nobody had ever told him.
Was it because that Nature eventually took over?
He looks down again at the rabbit and while he feels no hunger or need to devour it, Bolder wonders what will happen if he takes the shape of a fox or a cougar or a hawk. Will he chase down a deer? Will he scoop up a fish from the lake?
"Is that... bad?" Bolder finally asks, torn between wanting to understand the Northerners and wanting to be accepted by his Aunt and Uncle.
Mazikeen moves so that she is on Bolder’s other side - so he does not have to look at the rabbit he has placed on the ground when he looks at her. It takes some extra effort now, to try to think of these things that were once instinct. To remember what it is to care for someone. She’ll move the rabbit later, not wanting to leave the boy alone just yet. That much, at least, comes easily. He says he's alright and she's thrilled about that - a little unsure, but that's to be expected. But he isn't sobbing, isn't heartbroken, and that is a good sign.
When he asks if it’s bad that he’s okay she shakes her head immediately and gives him an encouraging nudge on his shoulder. Or, she hopes it is encouraging and that it does not feel as stiff to him as it does to her.
“No no, of course not. Part of shifting, for those truly talented at it, is dealing with the instincts that come with the shapes. Those instincts are not good or bad, they’re just part of who we are - just like shifting is.” This almost sounds like it could be true, Mazikeen thinks to herself. She had never felt the clash of instincts when she was learning to shift - had never been swayed to kill. That had come later and from a different source entirely. Now when she hunts, she does so because she enjoys it and the shapes she wears are merely tools.
But this, of course, is not what she tells Bolder. Instead, concentrating on making her voice soft but firm “A wolf killing isn’t evil, it’s just being a wolf. It’s no different than flying as a bird or wagging your tail as a dog.” And she does so now, in an effort to make him smile. “And when we shift, those things become true for us too.” She pauses for a moment, considering, and then asks “Does that make sense?” She hopes it does, she isn’t sure what other explanation she’ll be able to pull out of thin air as quickly.
08-08-2021, 04:41 PM (This post was last modified: 08-08-2021, 04:45 PM by bolder.)
At the moment, Bolder feels more stunned than anything else.
There is some sorrow in what he's done. A life ending - whether it is their kind or another - is a sad thing. He doesn't glance at the small rabbit again, and he's grateful that Mazikeen had blocked the view of the small creature. But the sadness that Bolder feels is distant. It's like the way he mourned the loss of summer when fall finally faded into winter; he would miss the long days and the warmth and the way that the Taigan fog would burn away.
It was something to mourn but not something to consider overlong.
Bolder doesn't feel revulsion that he's killed the creature. He doesn't want to eat it (and another part wonders if that's worse, because the death was a senseless one). His thoughts clash within himself because all he can think of is Nashua's face; how angry and repulsed he looked when his father learned he could shift (though Bolder doesn't know that the anger or loathing wasn't directed at him).
Was this why?
His Aunt's reasoning battles with the memory in his mind and he finds himself grateful again to the Alpha. When his changes first began, it had been Mazikeen who had answered his questions and as he continues to change, the adolescent shifter is becoming more grateful for her guidance. Apart from her or Uncle Gale, who else could have helped him?
"It does," Bolder tells her quietly, turning his silver eyes on her. "I didn't mean to do that," the young shifter says. "It just sort of... happened." The rabbit had struggled - more of a fight than Bolder had anticipated - and then his jaw had clamped down.
But something that his Aunt says resonates within Bolder.
"I think that is my favorite part of shifting," the young wolf tells the older one. He rises on his lean haunches and his auburn head tilts curiously, deciding to follow his instincts that tell him to trust the Alpha. "If you ask my Father, he'd say that shifting isn't natural. But...," Bolder slows, thinking about something. "It feels natural."
Mazikeen is glad that her explanation makes sense - considering it was a combination of things she truly believed and things she thought Bolder needed to hear right now. She listens as he replies quietly, admitting what she had suspected (that the kill had been accidental) - and then continuing on to say something that brightens the smile in her orange eyes.
That shifting, and the instincts that come with it, feel natural. This is a good sign, one that will make it easier to keep him here. Maybe forever - maybe Bolder could be a part of a new generation of the pack. One stronger than the random collection of shifters that Mazikeen had never bothered to try to string together. They are not a unit, not bound together by anything other than a shared home. Not since Breach died, not since Sabal was kicked out, not since Mazikeen changed.
Her smile fades a little and she stands with him as she tells the young wolf “It is natural. An unfortunate lesson we all learn is that our parents are not always right, even when they mean well.” It is not hard to believe that Nashua had meant well, though Mazikeen doesn’t think it really matters anymore. His bias towards shifters had been clear that day by the lake and Bolder was being punished for a fear that had no grounds.
Not when the curse was safely housed in someone else.
Meaning well wasn't enough, and she'd be happy to make sure Nashua learned that.
Mazikeen continues, still making effort to make her voice warm and encouraging. It’s coming a little easier, the more time she spends with Bolder. The more she remembers that she actually does like him, even though she’s annoyed over having to care for him and that he is here while her own children are not. “You are a born shifter, Bolder. Just like me. I think your father is just scared of what he doesn’t understand. But if you stay here for a while, you’ll get to see all the types of shifting there are and how wonderful each is. And then maybe we can show Nashua that there’s nothing to worry about.” She pauses, and then offers another smile. “Besides, there’s nothing unnatural about me, right?”
Bolder has never understood what his Father was trying to protect him from.
He isn't the only child of Nashua to be able to shift. The young pegasus has seen Luminesce alter her height, change her coat, even banish their familial stripes. But when he had been small, Bolder hadn't been able to control it as easily as his sister had. A dark mood sometimes changed his hide black. When he grew angry - frustrated by his own inability to control his powers and his sire's growing frustration with him - his eyes might turn a fiery shade of red; once, he even swore that his teeth became pointed before Bolder threw himself in the cold Taigan ocean as a last resort to change them back.
Perhaps, if Nashua might have explained why, Bolder might have understood that why to be a shifter in this bloodline was a curse.
But he only knows that his Aunt and Uncle have accepted him in a way that his father never has.
They not only accept him, but they want to help him. Help him learn to be a better shifter (and that's high praise for Bolder, coming from someone as skilled as Mazikeen), and to help show his father that there was nothing wrong about being one. He was given the chance to learn and show his sire in the same instance.
The wolf pup is eagerly wagging his tail at the thought, and Bolder circles sharply once, unable to keep his youthful enthusiasm at bay. "You?" he yips playfully back to his Aunt. "You seem like the most right thing in the world."
At Bolder’s words, the smile that spreads across Mazikeen’s face is not false - though the reason for the delight within it would likely not be what the wolf pup would think. His answer was better than she could have hoped for. It was going to be wonderful to turn this boy against his father. To have Nashua discover what it felt like to have someone else raise his child. Knowing exactly where they were but trapped and unable to do anything about it.
Will the gold-striped stallion be furious like she so often is, will he feel the lick of fire inside of him and succumb to the growing shadows? Or will he grieve and mourn in sadness?
Either will be fun to watch, though she prefers fire to tears.
These thoughts entertain her as that smile burns bright and she stands up before motioning with her wolf's head for the energetic boy to follow her.
“Come on, I want to show you the rest of Hyaline.”
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