09-12-2021, 04:41 PM
She had felt every moment of Obscene’s absence as though each one were a single briar placed inside the cage of her ribs, inside this gaping cavity of her chest. Beside a heart that felt too broken to beat and too stubborn to stop. She had thought she understood what loss was when Nikkai did not come back with the sun, but it is one pain to lose your mother, and another entirely to lose your daughter. A perfect soul without flaw, a piece of her own heart made real. A life she had spent so many months imagining only to lose within those first few minutes.
Every moment there is a weight inside of her that threatens to pull her beneath a dark ocean, a thousand stones that want to drown her beneath waves too black to see through, in a world with no surface and no ocean floor. It feels like falling in perpetuity, and the only thing that keeps her from surrendering is the boy she left with her family this afternoon. Obsidio is every perfect part of both of his parents, everything she does not know how to be. He is quiet and earnest, gentle in the way he curls against her belly at night when they sleep. But she is afraid of the moments she finds him staring off so silently, afraid that there is some kind of dark inside him too. Something bred from his parents, from his birth, from the loss of his twin. So she is careful not to let him see her in the moments where her heart caves in, careful not to let him see the tears that follow the metallic gold tracks down her face.
He deserves so much more than her sorrow and her pain.
It is the only reason Obscene finds her now without their son, the only reason she can ever find the resolve to leave Obsidio with his aunt and his grandfather. She is glad to see her child’s father, finds relief in the familiar angles of this dark face. “Always.” She says, and there is no lie in the easy answer as she reaches out to touch her lips to his neck in quiet greeting. For a moment she is lost in him, in the velvet black like deep midnight, in the flecking of gold sparkles that are dusted all throughout. There is something there now that binds her to him, some frankenthing of love and loss, of desire and pain. It makes her close her eyes for a moment to hide it from her gaze. “I don’t think I’ll know the answer to that for a long while.”
She closes any distance between them with a few easy steps, pressing her cheek to the curve of his neck in a way that reveals how truly soul weary she is, and perhap how much he has come to mean to her. That his closeness is enough to pause that sensation of falling, that unraveling inside her soul. “Obsidio is doing well,” she says, lifting her cheek from him at last but making no effort to move away from the stallion who has become an impossible kind of friend, “he is with my family right now. I just needed a moment.” She doesn’t try to elaborate further - if he wants to understand then all he need do is look at her face and see the damp tracks of tears drying beneath those glacier blue eyes.
“I,” but then she pauses because these words are like a punch to the chest and she knows her ribs are already too broken to keep safe the heart inside, “I named her Revna.” Her eyes are suddenly damp again, tears that well against the blue but do not yet fall. She thinks she might be empty of them soon. “I found a chlorokinetic to build a garden around her body, it felt more right than just leaving her there.” She is quiet again, remembering how the plant manipulator had cocooned her tiny body in grasses and flowers and marked the place with a single tree that grew large white flowers. “I thought it might be a place you’d want to visit again.” She touches his neck again, gentle and brief, an acknowledgment of this pain they will always share together. “How are you, Obscene?” And again she thinks how no name could ever fit this man so poorly as that one does.
Every moment there is a weight inside of her that threatens to pull her beneath a dark ocean, a thousand stones that want to drown her beneath waves too black to see through, in a world with no surface and no ocean floor. It feels like falling in perpetuity, and the only thing that keeps her from surrendering is the boy she left with her family this afternoon. Obsidio is every perfect part of both of his parents, everything she does not know how to be. He is quiet and earnest, gentle in the way he curls against her belly at night when they sleep. But she is afraid of the moments she finds him staring off so silently, afraid that there is some kind of dark inside him too. Something bred from his parents, from his birth, from the loss of his twin. So she is careful not to let him see her in the moments where her heart caves in, careful not to let him see the tears that follow the metallic gold tracks down her face.
He deserves so much more than her sorrow and her pain.
It is the only reason Obscene finds her now without their son, the only reason she can ever find the resolve to leave Obsidio with his aunt and his grandfather. She is glad to see her child’s father, finds relief in the familiar angles of this dark face. “Always.” She says, and there is no lie in the easy answer as she reaches out to touch her lips to his neck in quiet greeting. For a moment she is lost in him, in the velvet black like deep midnight, in the flecking of gold sparkles that are dusted all throughout. There is something there now that binds her to him, some frankenthing of love and loss, of desire and pain. It makes her close her eyes for a moment to hide it from her gaze. “I don’t think I’ll know the answer to that for a long while.”
She closes any distance between them with a few easy steps, pressing her cheek to the curve of his neck in a way that reveals how truly soul weary she is, and perhap how much he has come to mean to her. That his closeness is enough to pause that sensation of falling, that unraveling inside her soul. “Obsidio is doing well,” she says, lifting her cheek from him at last but making no effort to move away from the stallion who has become an impossible kind of friend, “he is with my family right now. I just needed a moment.” She doesn’t try to elaborate further - if he wants to understand then all he need do is look at her face and see the damp tracks of tears drying beneath those glacier blue eyes.
“I,” but then she pauses because these words are like a punch to the chest and she knows her ribs are already too broken to keep safe the heart inside, “I named her Revna.” Her eyes are suddenly damp again, tears that well against the blue but do not yet fall. She thinks she might be empty of them soon. “I found a chlorokinetic to build a garden around her body, it felt more right than just leaving her there.” She is quiet again, remembering how the plant manipulator had cocooned her tiny body in grasses and flowers and marked the place with a single tree that grew large white flowers. “I thought it might be a place you’d want to visit again.” She touches his neck again, gentle and brief, an acknowledgment of this pain they will always share together. “How are you, Obscene?” And again she thinks how no name could ever fit this man so poorly as that one does.
REVELRIE
it feels like falling, it feels like rain,
like losing my balance again and again