[private] the clock is ticking and we can't stop

[Mazikeen]

m a z i k e e n . Her smile grows a little when Myrna amends ‘when we’re looking for frogs’ to sooner than that. She would like for it to be sooner, so she plans on agreeing with this adjustment when her daughter continues to talk. Talking about how she’s been practicing getting bigger - and then Mazikeen can feel the change beneath her wing as she sees it take place. She tries to fight it but her expression crumples as she watches Myrna become older (at least visibly) right before her eyes. Like all those precious moments she never got with Sickle, all the ones she did not have the ability to care about with Malik and the ones she loved so much with Myrna, are just wiped away and she’s failed at being a mother yet again. She should be proud - it is an impressive manipulation - but all she feels is horror and grief. And she knows these reactions are shining with tears in her eyes so she’s quick to reach down again, a soft touch against her too-tall daughter’s cheek. It takes a second to get her voice to come out in a way that isn’t strangled, but it is softer than it had been a moment ago. “We’ll start looking for them tomorrow.” Mazikeen promises and means it. Being honest about her emotions has been a terrifying (and freeing) change - but Mazikeen does not think her children need to carry the full burden of her honesty. It still doesn’t feel right, falling apart in front of them, and she does her best not to. “I'm sorry.” She apologizes for her tears first and then offers an explanation, a sad smile in her orange eyes as she pulls back enough to look at Myrna again. “Just… just don’t try to grow up too fast, okay?”

 

@ Viszla