Secret. You can keep us secret, can't you?
But it wasn't a breathless Yes that answered him.
Father's voice, muffled by memory. He flinched violently, tensed, his heart suddenly thundering in wild, frantic fear. Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod. But Dad wasn't here. Just a memory playing across her thoughts. He listened hard, desperately trying to grasp what she was thinking, what she was remembering. What had Father told her? Why was she thinking it now?
...make you their dirty little secret... tell 'em to fuck straight off... worth more than sneaking around... isn't anybody who deserves you.
He blanched and jerked back, staring down at her and searching her face. Did she already hate him for this? Oh, god, she hadn't really wanted this. She didn't understand that it was wrong. But so right. No, wrong. Fuck. Secret? she asked, reaching to kiss him again. It almost soothed him, almost reassured him. His eyes closed and he kissed her back, urgent and needing. It might be the last time that he got to. His chest tightened painfully.
What kind of secret? Some were fun, playful, happy. Or made them feel closer, and safe. Trusted. Maybe it was a good secret. I like some secrets. Is this a good kind? How could it be bad when she wanted more? He did too. He wanted so much more, wanted to show her so much more. He groaned anxiously, already worried that he'd fucked up. That he'd lost her, or she didn't want this. Or that she did, and they would, and she'd hate him for it when she learned. Or Dad would find out and hate him too, separate him so he couldn't even see her anymore. He'd take Kylin away too. He wouldn't trust him anymore, wouldn't love him. Kali didn't really want him, she didn't understand.
His head was spinning, but he locked onto Dad's words to her. "No, Kali, it isn't like that." It was exactly like that. A dirty little secret, lying and hiding and sneaking around. They would have to, Dad would never be okay with this. He groaned again. He was an adult, could breed with whoever the hell he wanted if he chose to. Just not her, not Kylin. And she was a teen, she should be old enough to choose for herself too, right? But not him. He rolled away from her and stood, turning away. Towards home. He was stiff, and aching in a different way now, his chest ravaged hollow and legs threatening to tremble.
Come on, Kali. I fucked up, I'm sorry. We should take you back.
I should leave. I should stay away. Maybe I shouldn't come back.