[private] Unloved, undetermined -- Kavi

[Insignificance]

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At his side, I feel replenished. Indeed that the two of us if compared to the rest were amongst the oldest souls that still persisted against the fates of time with rich bodies and fiery souls. It had taken me far too long to come to such realization that I might be more than the child of diffidence and gloom. But even the wait has been worth it, as fond my beating heart has become of Kagerus there is not a wrinkle of regret upon it. Every step in the wrong direction, every minute spent apart from him and every mistake I have made has all been worth it in the end. I breathe in the scent of us – of him, of home. We are an irony of when we first met – old bones and greyed muzzles lovingly stroking the furs of our too thick winter coats. He brings me a second coming. In the crevasses of my soul and heart that was shrouded and beat erratically, in his absence in a place that had no dawn, no day, no night, no dusk but a grey twilight. His touch is the kindling to my own slumbering passion, and it flares up like a wildfire – wild and unpredictably strong. The both of us caught in this pool that resembles young love. I was never one of sentimentality but he has rendered me undone and rebirthed is a hopeless romantic thinking that our sort of love (such a simple word, so much power in it.) is for the blessed ones. I press closer into his hold, pressing one of my ears against his downy skin, listening to his pulse as it echoes down into my own core – and I can almost feel my flame flicker impatiently. My drab head bows and drifts along his neck as he presses tender kisses on my trembling body – and my voice is filigreed with an amorous sensation concealed only by the drumming of heartbeats. ”It hasn´t been the same without you” I brim with emotion – greedily clinging to his side. Later, I know, (and the greater part of me, the reasonable part, revels in that) I will share him with my sweet Kagerus. But tonight is ours – and the part of me that hisses and cracks underneath my skin at his every touch is eternally grateful for this night spent together under the stars. A secret tryst that was long overdue. So this is what it was like to fall in love. In our lost past – I may not have been so quick or this open to confess, but I won´t take anymore chances. Not with him, not this time. So I whisper back to him, lips pursing against the side of his muzzle, ”I love you, Kavi”  I press closer to him during our exploration – the surroundings seemed to shift as I close my eyes as he finds my sacred spots. He fits into me so nicely – a perfectly matched puzzle piece that brings the picture into a whole. And I am all the more grateful to be back in this land, amongst these people that I know so little of, only because it has brought my beloved back. ”I wish we could stay like this forever.” I challenge time, there is only him. As always he has an arcane quality over me, making every scar, every aching part of mine vanish. We are explorers re-tracing every contour upon our bodies, caught within our own rapture as if we wanted to make every inch of the other our own. I feel compelled to bite my own tongue (gently lapping the nape of his neck) just to make sure this is no illusion, but with my cheek against his woolly shoulder I drag my head instead down the side of his shoulder until my nose is filled with his scent and his scent alone. I am a silly, giddy thing – brushing my face  – lightened by our reunion – down his foreleg. Playfully, I nip a patch of skin on his knee and look up to meet his warm expression as his laughter not only fill my ears but also my stormy heart. insignificance