Deep down all you want is love
The pure kind we all dream of
The pure kind we all dream of
Despair.
Her life’s fuel is now her son’s name. It’s so perfect how his name mirrors the upheavals of her life, and how his birth is a somber matter for the family. What began as something beautiful spiraled in whirlwind out of control. In the Pampas, Vulgaris coddles Leliana and their children, throwing Shiya into the plagued wilderness with her - their - child. In reality, she should be accustomed to this lifestyle, but it’s more painful with the boy nestled against her side. Even now, she wonders if it would behoove them to meet their demise instead of one day facing the truth of Vulgaris and his role in this.
Her mind sinks beneath the waves, into the dark depths where Pangea had fallen. Maybe she could visit there again – under the ocean – and bring her son. It could be peaceful looking up and watching the last of their air bubbles swim to the surface. They would be done then with the cruelties of the world.
They would have each other forever.
Shiya doesn’t realize how absently she is ruffling Despair’s mane when she hears her name. It’s the life preserve she needed to extract her from an ocean of suicidal ideations. ”Hmm?” But she is rapidly blinking away the haze of her thoughts to look at a face long lost in her memories. ”Magnus,” his voice comes unbidden to her lips like it has been only a mere few days since they last met. ”Wow, yes. So many years.” Back then, she had briefly taken interest in the Valley’s affairs, but it was short-lived. It seems she isn’t destined for life in a kingdom.
But is she really meant for anything?
A breath catches in her throat, surprised that he remembers both her and her parting words. It softly pulls on her heart, stirring it to patter sweetly in her chest. Shiya thought herself to be numb by now, destroyed by her lifelong torment, but the smile he ignites says otherwise.
”Ever a charmer,” a soft, tumbling laughter suppresses her previous grief, pushing it out of her mind even if only for the moment. How is it possible that he is able to return and part the looming, dark clouds of her thoughts? It’s effortless for him. Every sinking feeling retreats when their eyes lock – her emerald to his gold – but then she looks away and down at her child. ”Despair,” it almost seems like a response to her wellbeing until she elaborates, ”This is my son, Despair.” Behind her plastic smile, there is undoubtedly sadness that poisons her blood and shadows her reptilian face. Her gaze wavers, reflecting her inner conflict as she introduces the boy with a honeyed voice. Shiya glazes over Magnus’ question, referring to her son instead of admitting how poor her life has always been, and how she expects it to always be.
For a long while, she steadies her attention on her son. A child should bring joy, but when she peers down there is an awful emptiness in her gut.
She will hold onto him – the only foal she has nurtured – but he is a painful reminder.
With a slow, contemplative blink, Shiya returns the question to Magnus. ”You look well,” she begins as her eyes lift again to his, ”How are you?” Better than me, she quietly hopes. Unlike her, however, Magnus is able to smile with his entire being. He is able to open his heart and arms. He can love and swoon and bring joy.
He is everything she isn’t, or at least, that’s how she sees him whenever her eyes flicker across the storytelling edges of his face and scars along his body. He is perfect.
But we cannot escape the past,
so you and I will never last
so you and I will never last
original html by Jassal
@[magnus]