[mature] here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis

[Briseis]

little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep,
little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories,
little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

She can almost see the way her words slowly begin to sink in, like a puzzle gradually falling into place as he pieces them together. There is heat rising to her cheeks, and as the reality settles in around both of them, she finds that she can no longer meet his eyes. She doesn’t know why the entire incident has caused her to feel nothing but shame; shame that she hadn’t recognized danger immediately, shame that she had not ran, shame that she had not fought back harder. Even though he hadn’t meant for it to happen, Ether disappearing had only further cemented that she had done something wrong; that something was wrong with her, that she had been defiled and therefore was now unwanted. She knew it wasn’t what had happened; she knew that she had a terrible habit of wording things wrong and not explaining things correctly, but the fact that he had disappeared into his shadow world without giving her a chance to explain still stung.

And even though his children were beautiful, and she would never hold anything against them, the very thought of him touching someone else the same way that he had touched her was almost more unbearable than the physical trauma she had already endured.

Her eyes finally lift to his again at his pained apology, and she instinctively whispers, ”It’s okay,” even though nothing felt okay. She didn’t blame him, and she hadn’t blamed him this entire time. She had just missed him. She knew he didn’t belong to her, that even if they had shared a night of indescribable passion, that it didn’t mean anything, in the grand scheme of things. No matter how badly she wanted it to.

But something in him shifts; something in his eyes grow dark, his entire demeanor changing in half a heartbeat. For a moment she grows tense, flinching just slightly at the sight of his rage, even though she knows it’s not directed at her. But when he turns to go, there is a panic that grips her heart, and immediately she moves forward, and she fills the empty space between them with her body. ”Ether, don’t,” she can feel her skin warming when she touches him, reaching to press her nose into his neck, and she is trembling at being so close to him again. ”Please don’t leave again,” There is a plea to her voice, almost desperate, when she curls her lithe body around the front of him, and she whispers dismally, ”I know you have someone else, but I don’t want you to go. Not even to find Tunnel.” She sounds stupid and pathetic, and even though she can hear herself, she suddenly can’t stop. The smooth plain of her cheek rests itself against his neck, her heart thudding erratically as she murmurs into his cool skin, ”Stay. Please.”

BRISEIS

underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside,
I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind